Awake 1
by Xanderrocksthehouse
Summary: I am breaking my rule and publishing my story before it is finished. I will release one chapter a week and already have 6 done. I'm thinking 10-12 chapters During battle Buffy is injured and the gang has to stay strong in hopes of some day she will wake up but how long can one put life on hold in hope of waking up. All characters belong to Whedon all hail JW.
1. Chapter 1

The army of slayers raised their arms cheering in Victory. This was the second Hell mouth they had closed. It was almost as difficult as the closing the first. Willow had worked her magic doing her best to help each slayer.

The victory didn't come with out a cost. Through the smoke and rubble Faith carried a motionless Buffy. Faith yelled hoping to get someone anyone over to help.

The celebrating slayers suddenly stood silenced. Of course other slayers had fallen. It was the nature of what they did. Buffy was more then a slayer though. She was a symbol. She was the one who they all wanted to be.

Everyone stood quiet waiting to hear. Faith broke the silence. "HOSPITAL NOW." Xander had no words instead he ran to the van starting the engine. Giles got in the back of the empty cargo van. Faith laid Buffy down and stayed on one side while Giles got on the other. Each of them held on to her hand.

Her pulse was faint and weak but not gone. No words were said just rubble and smoking tires as Xander left the other slayers standing there. Wood could take charge of the situation.

Giles looked at the girl he considered to be a daughter. "Buffy if you can hear me you have to hold on. We are going to get you help." Giles looked to Faith . "What happened?"

"When part of the wall collapsed part of it came down on her. I found her under a pile of rubble and rock." Xander drove faster then he ever drove. Any policemen who dare to pull him over would face his wrath. He had lost too much already to one hell mouth. He wouldn't lose another. Not one more. He was drawing a line in the sand. Buffy was too high of a price to pay.

As the van pulled in to the Emergency room parking lot 2 attendees were standing outside waiting. Fortunately Wood had the foresight to call ahead and let them know what to expect. Xander threw the car in park and Giles opened the back doors carrying Buffy to the gurney. Giles took the lead giving the best diagnosis he could.

"I believe she has massive head trauma. She has a pulse but it is very weak." The attendees nodded wheeling her in quickly. Xander, Giles and Faith followed as far as they were allowed. The doctors stopped them explaining patients only to this point.

They all found spots in the waiting room. Faith sat in the chair shaking her head.

"B is tough okay. I mean she can bounce back from this." Xander closed his eyes hoping she was right. 5 minutes later Kennedy and Willow showed up taking a seat waiting. Within 45 minutes every slayer who was able was there. Wood stayed behind and was tending to the wounded.

The first nurse came to the group and explained some of them should go home. The waiting room wasn't equipped to handle so many. Faith stood up and told her none of them were leaving. They were family and today a sister had fallen. Until they knew the fate of that sister none of them were going anywhere.

It had been 2 hours and they hadn't heard anything. Xander was going nuts. An update on the situation would have been nice. Willow reasoned though no news was good.

"As long as we don't hear anything we know they are still working and means she's still with us." At the 3-hour mark a doctor came out. He looked young. If Giles were to take a guess he would have put him younger then Faith. Which didn't sit well with some of them. He looked at the group.

"I would like to talk to a couple of you and you can relay the information we have to your group if that's okay." Giles, Xander and Dawn were the first to their feet. The doctor nodded at them as if he wanted them to follow.

He led them to an empty examination room. The 3 of them stood in front of the doctor waiting to hear anything he would tell them. "We've relieved cranial pressure that was causing bleeding on her brain. She has a dislocated shoulder and broken clavicle. There are multiple lacerations that are currently being stitched." Giles wanted to cut to the chase.

"But she'll be okay?" The doctor was reluctant to say.

"Right now she is stable but her brain was with out oxygen for 7 minutes. We are making her comfortable." Dawn stood there worried. She knew all the terms doctors used to comfort the family.

"Make her comfortable? Is she awake?" The Doctor shook his head.

"There is a real possibility that she might not wake up." Dawn felt the tears trail down her cheek." Xander wanted to hit the doctor for saying that but knew it wouldn't help the situation.

"Hey Dawnie this is Buffy. She's not like you or me. She's made of strong stuff." He looked at the doctor "Can we see her?"

"It is going to be a few hours. When she's moved to a room some of you can see her but we can't have your entire group." Giles nodded.

"Of course. We will take shifts." The doctor nodded.

"We will let you know when you can see her." With that the 3 of them went back to the waiting room to relay the information they gathered to the rest of the group. Xander looked to all of the slayers.

"Okay we all love and care about Buffy. You all will have a chance to see her but for now Wood is going to take you back to the hotel. If there is any new information we promise we will pass it on as soon as we hear it." The girls groaned not wanting to leave but all of them understood the situation. "I don't know where everyone is religiously. It's not my place or my business but I ask all of you to please take time and say a prayer for Buffy tonight."

After the slayers left all that remained were Willow, Giles, Dawn Xander and Faith. Just before midnight a nurse came to them telling them she could take them to her room.

As they walked in the constant beep of the heart monitor could be heard. An oxygen take could be heard pumping air. She had different wires and iv's hooked up to her. All of them stood quiet not sure what to say. It was hard to see someone who was so strong in such a vulnerable state. She wasn't just a friend. She was a sister, a hero a daughter and seeing her like that wasn't easy. Xander broke the tension stepping to the edge of her bed.

"Hey Buffy we are here." The nurse told them that even though she was unconscious there was a good chance not only could she hear but she was listening. "We are all here for you." Dawn was next and stood next to Xander.

"You should be proud Buffy. We won. Cleveland is officially with out a hell mouth" Giles swallowed the lump in his throat trying to remain strong. He stepped forward.

"The Battle's done and we kind of won." He shook his head. "I don't really feel like doing any victory cheers though." Willow stood on the other side of the hospital bed. She reached taking Buffy's hand.

"We are here for you now. I want you to rest. You can't give up the fighting though. You have to get back to us." Faith stood at the foot of the hospital bed.

"Trust me B. You don't want to stay in that hospital bed. I've been there and it sucks. Get your ass up." Xander took Buffy's other hand.

"I promise you. You will not be alone. Until you wake up I give you my word their will always be someone here with you."

That evening all of them stayed in the room. No one said much of anything. They were all so tired. Tired in every way there was to be tired. Their bodies were tired. Emotionally they were tired but mostly just tired in the soul. A nurse came in at 6 am to find them still there. She noticed Faith's arm bleeding.

It was nothing major. It was a battle wound that occurred during the fight. Faith was so worried about Buffy she didn't notice. The kindly nurse brought some disinfectant and bandages in to the room. She brought a tray table over and started working on her arm. Nothing was said as she worked until she was done. Faith looked at her with an appreciative smile.

"Thank you very much."

A few more hours had passed with no response. Giles looked to the group. "We don't know how long we will be here. That being said I know we could use some food. We could use a change of clothes and a shower." Dawn shook her head.

"I'm not leaving her." Giles knew the pain she had to be feeling.

"Dawn your sister is going to need you to be strong. You will be no good to her if you run yourself ragged." Dawn shook her head.

"I'm not leaving." Giles sighed ready to object but Xander interjected.

"She's right. I think we take turns. I will stay with Dawn. Then later when we need to leave you guys can take our place." Willow nodded thinking it was a sound plan.

"It makes sense." Xander had stepped up to take a bit of a leadership role.

"I don't ever want this room empty though. Always should be someone with her in this room. Are we clear?" No words were said. Instead they just nodded as if agreeing to a silent pact.

With that Faith, Giles and Willow left the room. Dawn stood up going to the bathroom. Xander sat in the chair next to Buffy's bed. It was the first time since arriving that he had been alone with her. He reached for her hand.

"I promise you Buffy I am here waiting and I will not give up on you."


	2. Awake 2

With in the first week everyone who cared for Buffy had showed up to not only show his or her support but to show the slayer she was not alone. Angel and Spike had arrived at the end of the 3rd day.

Just like Xander had promised the room was never empty. Xander had shifts ready to go but they were hardly needed. Most people didn't want to leave her side. It wasn't uncommon to see Xander and Willow playing poker. Dawn would surf the Internet while Spike watched a lot of the soap opera channel.

All of them talked with Buffy hoping she would respond. When the question of money came about and how the bills would be paid Giles was quick to answer. Willow had used some of her good old-fashioned hacking skills and was able to secure funds from The Watchers Council before they went kablooey.

Giles had assured Dawn that Buffy would never be with out medical treatment due to financial matters. As the weeks passed everyone looked to Buffy for any sign of hope. They wanted her to blink. They wanted her to squeeze their hands as they held it. Buckets of tears had been shed. She had been told I love you countless time. Each I love you carried a different meaning.

Every day that had passed with no response hurt just that much more. The slayer healing had kicked in to help mend her broken bones and fix her wounds but it did little to wake her.

After a month the doctor had arranged to sit down and talk with Dawn about what should come next. Dawn asked Xander to come with her. She didn't want to be bullied in to making a choice and knew Xander would fight on Buffy's behalf.

Doctor Saunders sat in his office behind his desk opening the door as the two came in.

"Thank you for coming Ms Summers." Dawn shook her head, she hating being called that. It felt so adult. She was 18 but it didn't' feel right.

"Please just call me Dawn." Xander pulled out the chair for her and then sat down next to her. The doctor looked to them.

"Dawn it's been 32 days since your sister has arrived here. We've run every test we can. It's time we discuss what comes next." Dawn nodded.

"What treatment options do I have? Experimental therapy? Drugs? What is our best chance here?" The doctor shook his head.

"Dawn I don't think you are understanding. We've explored every possibility there is and she hasn't responded. I think it's time we discuss the possibility of taking her off life sup" Xander wouldn't even let him finish the sentence.

"Doctor that's not a viable option. Stand up Dawn we are leaving." The doctor tried calming him down.

"This is the hardest choice you have ever made. I understand and believe me when I say I sympathize with your pain. The reality of the situation is she's most likely not going to wake up." Dawn fought back the tears.

"That's just it. You can't say for sure. You can only say most likely. Can you tell me for 100 percent certain that she won't wake up."

"Dawn I can't say 100 percent. What I can say is that if she didn't wake up with in the first 3 days the odds of her waking drop dramatically. After a week they drop more. Were facing a month now and I can tell you the odds of her waking up are less then 1 percent." Tears trickled down Dawn's face. She wasn't ready to tell her sister good-bye. Xander angry looked at Dr. Saunders.

"You have no idea what you are talking about. You don't know her. To you she's a patient but you haven't seen what we have. You don't know what we know. This girl is a fighter. This girl is a warrior. She doesn't give up. When the world has counted her out she has stood victorious. She has faced and overcome more then your mind can fathom. See doc you and me we aren't like her. We don't have it. Not like she does."

"You don't think I hear this. Everyone thinks there daughter is special. Everyone thinks their loved one can beat the odds." Xander stood up looking at Dawn.

"Dawn we are leaving. This guy has no clue what he's talking about. Mark my words doctor. Buffy Summers will wake up. She will be great again." Dawn stood by Xander ready to leave. The Doctor sighed.

"The bottom line is it's not your choice to make. Dawn is her family and Dawn is the one who." Dawn shook her head.

"Doctor I not only trust Xander with my life but I trust him with Buffy's. Even if I believed for a second what you said it wouldn't matter. I might legally be able to make the choice of what to do but that doesn't mean he shouldn't. I am her blood but that doesn't mean I should have any more say what happens to her then he should."

"This is a hospital. If you choose to stay this path then you'll need to find an extended care facility" Xander put his arm around Dawn comforting her. He glared at the doctor.

"I will make arrangements."

As Dawn left the room she broke down crying. She wasn't going to give the Doctor the satisfaction of seeing her tears. Xander held her and patted her back as she cried.

A short time after Xander and Dawn came in to the room to find Angel asleep on the couch in the room. As they came in Angel jumped up looking to them.

"So what did the doctor have to say? Xander went to Buffy's side then looked to Angel.

"He's an ass and we are going to get Buffy out of here." Dawn stood trying to be strong.

"He mentioned something about an extended care facility." Angel wanted to help. He wanted to make sure that she received only the best.

"I can make some calls. I might know some people who could take Buffy in to a real nice place." Xander didn't even look at Angel. He just kept his eyes locked on Buffy.

"No. If we are moving her I say we take her home." Dawn looked confused.

"Is that possible?" Xander turned to her.

"If you have enough money and resources." Angel looked at him.

"If Giles isn't enough I can get what ever is needed." Xander looked at him. He still didn't consider him a friend but knew this wasn't about him.

"Thank you Angel." He looked at Dawn. "Get Willow and Faith on the phone. I'll get Spike and Giles. We'll figure out all of the details tonight."

One by one they all showed up. Each one of them liked Xander's idea. Buffy was family and the idea of her being taken care of by strangers didn't seem right. Giles said the one thing everyone was thinking.

"I think we can all say that idealistically that given the alternative your idea would be best. The problem being is who will take her in. Angel and Spike you both are vampires and as such would have certain limitations. If something were to occur you would be limited in what you could do." Giles wasn't trying to be harsh. He wasn't trying to tear apart the plan but knew some one had to speak with a voice of realism. "So that cuts down the choices of who can take her in." Dawn shook her head.

"I will do it." Giles took a deep breath careful with his words.

"Dawn who ever does this. It will become their life. You wanted to go to college in the fall. You will have to give that up. You won't have any kind of life outside of taking care of your sister. I want you to stop and think very carefully about what that means. Are you willing to give up everything you wanted for your future so that you can do this."

Giles word made her think. She loved her sister but the reality of the situation was cold. It was a lot for anyone. She would give up everything in her life. If life were a movie you would answer quickly and with out a doubt. This was the real world though. Willow could see the look on Dawn's face and came to her she put her arm around her.

"It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't want to do it. It's a lot for anyone to take and a lot to ask. No one would think selfish of you if you were to say it's too much." Dawn shook her head.

"But she would do it for me." Xander stepped forward.

"I will do it Dawn." Giles looked at him interrupting.

"Xander I don't think you are taking in to account."

"I have thought about this Giles. I wouldn't have come up with this idea if I wasn't prepared to do this." Willow looked at Xander.

"Xander he is right. If you do this" Xander interrupted.

"If I do this what? I don't have a life? Is that what you were going to say? The way I see it Buffy has saved the world how many times. How many lives is that? I woke up today because she saved my life more then once. So the way I see it every day I have left in this world I technically owe her anyways." The room remained silent for a while. Spike was the first to speak up.

"You won't have to do it alone. Giles is right. I have limitation but I will do what ever I can." Angel not to be out done stepped up next.

"Then I'll help to." Giles looked at them not sure what to say. He looked to the 3 of them.

"I'll start looking for a home that will accommodate Buffy's medical needs and still be vampire friendly." Angel spoke up.

"Buffy's needs come first. Vampire friendly is second. If you find the perfect place for her we will find a way to make it work."

Over the next week Faith, Giles and Dawn looked over every real estate location that would accommodate their needs. It took 10 days for Faith to find something that could work.

It was a turn of the century farmhouse complete with a barn and storm cellar. Xander checked out the house. Everything was up to code and due to the economy going in to the crapper they were able to purchase it for 30 percent below asking price.

Spike and Angel were going to share the storm cellar while the sun was out. Buffy's hospital bed and medical equipment all filled the master bedroom. Dawn considered the house home. She had called the bedroom across the hall from Buffy. Xander took the last bedroom at the end of the hall.

They had been moved in 3 days when Xander found Dawn's acceptance letter in the trashcan. Xander took out the letter and set it on the table.

"Hey Dawn will you come down here for a second." Dawn skipped down the steps.

"What's up?" He pointed to the letter on the table. He didn't need to say anything Dawn knew what he was thinking. "Xander School can wait."

"Dawn I am here for two people. The first and most important is your sister. I meant what I said. I will not abandon her under any circumstances. She has earned that much. You are the 2nd person I stayed for. I know your sister would want you in college. I know when she wakes up she is going to kick my ass if I let you become some drop out."

"If I do this it feels like I'm turning my back on her. It feels like"

"This house is as much your home as it is mine. You can come back any time you like but for now I want you to live. Really really live. There is no reason for both of us to be here." Dawn took a deep breath and slowly reached for the letter. She held it in her hand and let go of the breath.

"Okay. I will go." Xander walked to her and hugged her. Xander heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see the nurse walking in to the kitchen. Xander turned around smiling at her.

"Helllllooooooooooo nurse." Dawn rolled her eyes having heard that joke for the millionth time. Even the nurse was a little tired of it.

"I've changed her IV and given her the daily medication." Xander nodded.

"I guess I will see you tomorrow." She smiled and took her coat leaving.

The seasons had changed. Dawn had enrolled and was at college. She still called home almost daily. Xander would put the phone next to Buffy's ear and Dawn would tell Buffy everything that was going on in her life.

Spike, Angel and Xander had little to no social life at all. It was strange how fast life could change. Strange how you could adapt and become accustomed to the situation no matter how bizarre or strange. It was January and Spike was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a beer. Xander walked in to the back door two bags of groceries in his hands. One of the bags had food and supplies for Xander. The other bag had blood from the butcher for Spike and Angel. He started unpacking the bag. Spike had been looking for the opportunity to talk to him for a while.

He needed to gather his courage to propose what he was about to. "Xander I'm beginning to think maybe it's time we explore some alternative methods to waking our girl up." Xander stopped packing and turning around.

"Spike I've talked with every doctor. I've read every medical theory. I've listened to every idea credible or quack and haven't found a single thing that could work."

"What I'm talking about isn't medicine." Xander knew what he was getting at.

"We aren't going down that road. Giles said if we mess with the natural balance we could risk doing more harm then good. You could kill her. You could turn her in to a zombie. There are a million things that could go wrong."

"There is one way that we both know would work." He sighed "It would just be a little bite and."

"No."

"Hear me out."

"No."

"We sire her and then we just have Red do a little soul restoration and we have our girl back. Everything is good as new."

"No."

"You aren't being reasonable."

"What you are suggesting is a violation. A violation of something so dark and so corrupt."

"If there was any other way."

"What about what Buffy would want. Does that matter to you?"

"Well she isn't really in a place where we can ask her what she wants."

"You really believe she'd want to spend her life as a vampire. My God man think about your life. Put yourself in her shoes. If you could hold on to your humanity wouldn't you claw with everything you have to hold on to it." Spike closed his eyes angry that Xander wasn't seeing things his way.

"Well it doesn't matter. You aren't her family you have no more authority then I. So If I decide to do this you can't stop me." A voice startled both of them as Angel interjected.

"If he can't I will."

"Angel. Come on. I thought you of all people would understand this."

"What part should I understand? The part where she is forced in to a world of darkness. Maybe the part where she has to feed off those of the living in order to maintain life." Spike stood up pounding his fist on the table.

"It's better then what we are doing now. Every day watching the woman you love and knowing you are helpless to do anything." Xander shook his head.

"It's not fair but we can't lose hope. I know." Spike angry flipped the table over.

"You take your hope and you shove it up your ass. I want her back." Angel got in Spikes face letting him know he wasn't backing down.

"That's not going to happen. At least not the way you want.." Spike closed his eyes and paced trying to remain calm.

"Then I think I have to go. I can't. No I won't stay here and watch the most amazing woman I've ever known whither away in to nothing." Xander crossed his arms.

"Spike if that is how you feel I understand. No one forced this choice upon you and if you aren't up to it." Spike took a step back angry.

"Okay fine. I'll go but when she's gone and we had the chance. When we could have done something. I will blame you two personally" Spike stormed out the front door slamming it pissed off.

True to his word Spike came to Buffy one last time. He held her hand. He cried and told her he loved her. He begged her to come back again with no response. Spike knew Angel was close by. He didn't trust Spike enough not to sire Buffy. If a drop of blood were shed he would smell it. Of course Spike wasn't daft. He knew Angel was there. He stood up standing over Buffy's bed and kissed her forehead.

After that he picked up a small duffel bag and left. Spike had no more words for Angel or Xander. Not even a good bye. He had gotten on his motorcycle and took off in to the night.

So now the house was Xander, Angel and Buffy with a daily visit from the nurse. It was the stuff insanity was made of. Angel and Xander weren't friends. Even the close living situation didn't change that. They tolerated each other and were kind even deep down their was a certain level of respect but they'd never be friends.

It was hard at times. His friends came to visit as often as they could. Willow was responsible for several covens so it wasn't always easy to get away. Giles was responsible as the head of the new watchers council to keep the balance between slayer and Watcher, which meant he was always busy. Faith in the mean time had stepped up wanting to be the example that Buffy was. She wanted the new slayers to have someone they could aspire to. All the girls told the legendary tales that were Buffy. Faith wanted the girls to have someone to look to. She knew if Buffy had been there she'd have done so much better but she did the best she could in tribute to Buffy.

Dawn was the one who came home the most. She knew how hard this had to be for Xander and Angel. Taking care of Buffy was a job unto itself. They had little to no contact with the outside world. She was getting her education.

In the second year Dawn came home for the Summer break and insisted that the two of them take a vacation. They were reluctant at first but it did them good. Xander used his time to visit Willow. Giles and Faith. Angel used his time to get back in touch with his friends. As the summer drew to a close Dawn would need to return to classes.

Xander was the first to return. Dawn looked tired but she didn't complain once. She knew she didn't have the right. She did for a brief time what they had made their life. Angel did return a week later. With his time gone he had gotten in to the battle.

A new branch of Wolfram and Hart had risen up in New York and Angel joined the battle to take them down. He had recruited some slayers and it took everything they had but they won.

Dawn stuck around for as long as she could but eventually she had to return. Xander had fallen back in to his routine. He did what he could to keep his mind busy. He'd read the morning paper to Buffy. He talked to her about what was going on with her friends and family. He'd even share the gossip. At the end of the first month back Xander was asleep in the chair next to Buffy's bed when Angel came in the room. He cleared his throat for a second hoping to wake Xander. When that didn't work he touched his arm.

"Xander." Xander lifted his head and yawned. He looked at the vampire wondering what he wanted.

"What's wrong?"

"I wanted to talk to you about." Xander stood up stretching out and yawning.

"About?"

"I don't think I can be here anymore. I don't know if I should." Xander sucked in a deep breath.

"You are leaving?"

"I don't know. I think I have too. When I was gone this last Summer I made a difference. I helped and I realized that maybe even if I want to be here for her. It isn't about what I want. I still owe for the sins of my past. Maybe my penance is having to leave the woman I love." Xander didn't believe the excuse Angel was giving but he wasn't going to fight for him to stay. All along he had been prepared to do this by himself. If that was what he had to do he would.

"When are you going?"

"That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say Angel? You want me to beg you to stay?"

"No but I expected." He shook his head "Xander maybe it's time you consider leaving."

"You have made your choice Angel. I will manage. If this life isn't for you it's fine but don't try to tell me how to handle my situation. " Angel opened his mouth wanting to argue but shook his head.

"I'll stay till Friday but something big is about to happen with Wolfram and Hart. I'm going to China with some of my friends and slayers." Xander wanted to lash out at him but didn't

"Be safe Angel. Win the day for all of us." Angel sighed and looked at Xander

"Get some rest." Xander left the room and walked outside wanting to get some fresh air. It annoyed him that Angel was making excuses. He told Xander he didn't want to go. He says he wants to stay here with the woman he loves but he owes the world a greater good.

What Angel really wanted was freedom. He couldn't handle being cooped up anymore and needed more. So he came up with an excuse. Xander looked at the night sky wondering if he was strong enough.

Soon he'd be by himself. Some days he wanted to cry so badly. He just wanted any sign from Buffy. He wanted anything to know she was there. He wanted hope and every passing he didn't get it he felt his heart die a little more.

In the week that passed Xander went out of his way to avoid Angel. When it was time Angel told Xander he wanted to be kept posted on any change. Xander took down his information and watched as a truck pulled up. Xander didn't know the driver personally. Angel called him Gunn. He seemed like a good guy. Xander stood in the door way watching.

Angel turned to the house one last time then looked at Xander. The look on Angel's face told the whole story. In the end he wasn't the man he wanted to be. He had left cause he wasn't strong enough. As he turned back to the truck and got in he wondered how long it would be before Xander failed.

Xander stood in the doorway till the truck was out of sight. He then turned around dead bolting the door. He walked up to Buffy's room. The hiss and beeping of the machines ever present. He walked to the edge of Buffy's bed.

"Well Buff it's just you and me." He sat down in the chair next to her bed. He took her hand. "I know some day you'll come back to us. I promise you Buffy I will wait for you."


	3. Awake Chapter 3

Taking care of Buffy had become so routine to Xander he didn't even think about his life before Buffy ended up like this. It was funny. He thought back to when the first year passed and it seemed like just yesterday. It was strange how time could do that. A year passed then another year. Then it was time to elect a president. Then it was time to re-elect him.

He watched his friend as they moved on with their life. Buffy would have been so proud of Dawn. She graduated with honors. She had gotten a job teaching elementary school kids. More then that Dawn had met someone. She had fallen in love with Eric and had gotten married. A year in to marriage Dawn told everyone she was pregnant.

When the baby girl was born there was only one name Dawn would ever consider. Xander laughed telling Dawn Buffy wouldn't wish her name on anyone but Dawn ignored and named her daughter after her hero. A few years later Dawn announced she was pregnant yet again. This time her family welcomed a little boy in to the world. At night Dawn would tell her children the stories of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The strongest bravest girl the world would ever know.

Willow was truly amazing. She was the governing body over 80 percent of all functioning witches coven in the world today. More then that she worked closely with the watchers council. Her Faith and Giles were largely responsible for the council being what it was today.

When Faith hit 30 she decided she had earned retirement, at least from killing the undead. She joined Giles in England and was the voice for the active slayers on the board for the Watchers council. No longer did the council order the girls telling them what they would do. The slayer and watcher were equal partners.

Not all endings were happy. Giles did his best to remain strong. He didn't tell anyone till the end that he was sick. He didn't want his children crying or wasting tears on him. Cancer had snuck up on him and in the end. When the end was near he gathered everyone together at once. He knew Xander couldn't travel so he arranged to meet him there. When he told them of course there were tears. He told all of them what they meant to him. Before leaving he gave Xander a letter. He didn't' know if Buffy would ever wake up. If she did he wanted to tell her good bye.

A week later Giles's attorney contacted each of them to inform them he had passed. Giles split his estate evenly between all of them. All of them agreed the best place for his ashes were in the council library.

Faith, Andrew, Wood and Kennedy all were on the Board for the Council. They made the major choices that kept the world not just safe but in balance. That just left Xander.

All of them did their best. They visited when they could and gave Xander the occasional reprieve. It was hard at times. Weeks could pass and aside from Buffy and the nurse he would have no human contact. On year 9 Xander was throwing a Birthday party for Buffy. He carried a cake he made and lit some candles.

He kept telling himself if she could hear that maybe any one of these things could be the thing to snap her out of the coma. He was singing happy birthday standing over her when he lost it. He tossed the cake angrily against the wall. He screamed at her.

"YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP. WE NEED YOU BUFFY." The cake slid down the wall and Xander fell to the floor sobbing. In all the time that he had been watching her he had kept it together. He had held on to his sanity but now that was gone. He sat there for hours sobbing. He hadn't allowed himself to show weakness ever cause he knew he had to be strong for everyone else.

The next morning he woke up on the floor. He pulled himself together and looked around the room. He had his outburst and now strong Xander was back. He spent the next 2 hours cleaning the cake off the floor and walls. He never told anyone about his outburst. He himself wanted to pretend it didn't happen.

Today thought it was 12 years. The years had been a little more stressful to him then the others. He had a few more lines in his face. Even Buffy aged as she lay in her bed. Xander made sure she had everything she needed. Once every 2 months Xander paid to have someone style and cut Buffy's hair.

This morning he woke up to the phone ringing. He yawned grabbing the phone. "Good morning Dawn." Dawn's calls were predictable but still a joy to take.

"Good morning Xander." Xander yawns could be heard in the phone. "Are you still sleeping?"

"It's only 8 am."

"Wish I could sleep past 8." Dawn was driving on her way to class.

"Well you know I live the slacker life." Dawn laughed knowing the truth.

"So Buffy and Carter want to see Uncle Xander. We are coming in this weekend."

"That's awesome Dawn. Tell Carter I will set up the tents and we can do a camp out outside."

"And that is why you are his favorite uncle."

"Well I should get up. Get some breakfast read the paper to your sister. Same old same old."

"I'll call you later to arrange details.' Xander hung up the phone and put on his bathrobe. The nurse usually didn't' arrive till 11. He went down to the kitchen grabbing a bowl of cereal pouring a coffee and the newspaper. He sat in the chair next to Buffy's bed. He opened the paper reading the day's news occasionally taking a mouth full of fruit loops. He sipped his coffee and continued with the paper.

At 10 A.M he grabbed the empty cereal bowl and coffee cup. He took it to the dishwasher and turned on the TV. He grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. The shower was his favorite part of the day. The warm water was relaxing and gave him hope that today would be a better day.

As he stepped out of the shower he heard footsteps in the hallway. He figured nurse Williams had arrived for the daily routine. He quickly pulled on his sweat pants and t-shirt. Xander wanted to talk to nurse Williams about a change of schedule she wanted for the holiday.

"Veronica I will be right out I want to talk to you about next week." There was a silence that hung in the air. It was weird. "Veronica? Nurse Williams?" Xander opened the bathroom door tying off his sweatpants. What he saw almost knocked him over.

"Buffy. You are standing up." Her arm had a small spot of blood on it where the I-V once was. She had a dazed far off look to her eyes. She looked around unsure of what was going on. She looked at Xander slightly shocked.

"Xander you are old." With that her legs gave out on her and she fell to the floor. Xander ran to her side scooping her up. He scooped her up in his arms carrying her. He couldn't control the tears. They just flowed.

"Oh God Buffy you are awake." She looked at him as he held her. She wasn't aware of everything that was going on. She just stayed there in his arms not saying anything. "What ever you do Buffy please don't go back to sleep." Xander heard the front door open as Nurse Williams arrived. Xander yelled down the stairs. "GET UP HERE NOW."

The nurse was almost as shocked as Xander. She had written Buffy off a while ago. It wasn't uncommon for families to hold out hope. Pour money in to a hopeless lost cause. She always considered Buffy to be one of those lost causes. The only words she could manage. "She's awake"

"The Doctor contact info is on the fridge call him and tell him to get his ass here right NOW." The nurse ran down the steps calling the doctor. Xander in the mean time had carried Buffy to the couch. Buffy looked at him starting to get this wasn't an average day.

"Xander what is going on? Where am I? Where is everyone? Did we win?" Xander was confused by the question then realized what she meant. The last thing she remembered was Cleveland and the battle closing the hell mouth.

"Yes Buffy we won. I will answer all your other questions. I promise. Just give me time. The doctor is on his way." She nodded and said nothing. The doctor showed up and examined Buffy. Xander got on the phone and called the school Dawn worked at.

At first they didn't want to connect his call saying they could interrupt the class. Xander demanded telling them this was a family emergency. 10 minutes later Dawn answered the phone.

"Xander what is wrong."

"Your sister is awake." Dawn grabbed the counter holding herself up. She closed her eyes rejoicing.

"Xander if you are joking with me this is the cruelest thing you've ever done." The tears could be heard in Xander's voice.

"I swear to God Dawn. She is awake and the doctor is examining her right now."

"Put her on the phone I want to hear."

"She's to weak to talk."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know. I'm waiting till the doctor is done."

"Does Willow know yet? Have you called Faith?"

"You were the first person I called. I got to get back to her to talk to the doctor."

"I'm leaving right now. I'll call Willow and Faith. I'll try to get ahold of Angel but you need to call me as soon as you get any information."

"I promise I will." With that he hung up the phone. Dawn told the school she had a family emergency come up and she was leaving immediately. They weren't happy about it but they understood.

Xander came back in finding the doctor listening to her heart and taking her blood pressure. "Ms Summers I must say I'm very impressed. I don't know how your muscles haven't completely atrophied. You been lying in a bed for 12 years but for the most part your muscles are well above par." Buffy muttered, "Slayer healing." Xander was ringing his hands together.

"So is she going to be okay?" The doctor looked at Buffy.

"It's early to say but I think she's going to have a complete recovery." Xander looked at Buffy.

"How do you feel?'

"I'm kind of hungry." Xander burst out laughing.

"You haven't eaten in 12 years." The Doctor looked to her.

"I get that you are hungry but don't over due it for your first meal. Your stomach is going to need time to adjust to food again."

"You are the doctor. I will just have soup. Maybe half a cup of yogurt." The doctor looked at Buffy.

"I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning we are going to do a full work up on you. Until then take it easy. If you have any pain or feel anything that doesn't feel normal at all don't hesitate to call." With that the doctor stood up and left. Buffy looked at Xander.

"Xander I"

"I know you have a lot of questions."

"Xander"

"It's long and it's complicated but I'll tell you everything I guess we have to start at the beginning but"

"XANDER Stop." She stood up in the hospital gown. "I want some clothes." Xander laughed for a second nervously.

"Right clothes."

"Do I have anything here?"

"Dawn packed up a bag knowing the first thing you'd want is clothes. Just give me a second and I'll find it." Buffy stood up following Xander. Xander turned around

"You sure you are okay to walk?"

"Xander stop. I'm fine. You heard the doctor."

"Sorry. I don't mean to be over protective." He went to Buffy's room looking in the closet. He found the duffle bag. "These are probably going to be dated and maybe a little big considering you haven't eaten but we can get you something better soon" Buffy took the bag and stepped in to the hallway bathroom.

"I'm sure they are fine." Xander stood against the door waiting. Buffy talked to him through the door while changing. "So I think I have pieced together a few things."

"Like?"

""I was hurt in my last battle. I've been asleep awhile." Buffy pulled on the clothes.

"Well you are in the future. We have flying cars and all meals are now taken in pill form. Oh and the monkeys have risen up and are now in control." Buffy opened the door stepping out in the outfit. Like Xander predicted the clothes were to big but they were better then the hospital gown.

"Seriously how long has it been."

"Buffy I want you to realize what's important is that you are here now. It doesn't matter how much time has"

"XANDER" He signed and looked in her eyes.

"12 years Buffy." Buffy stood their waiting for him to smile. Waiting for him to laugh. Anything that would tell her he was kidding.

"Welcome back."


	4. Awake 4

"I can't believe what you are telling me Xander. They were perfect together. I mean."

"I know Buffy I was shocked too. I thought if two people ever had the formula for a happy ending it had to be them but they aren't together anymore."

"I don't know if I like this new world before my coma they were together and they seemed perfect and now."

"A lot of people blame Angelina but I say it take two to cheat."

"Poor Jennifer." Buffy had been making small talk because the real things that mattered scared her to ask. "So food?" Buffy walked in to the kitchen walking to the fridge. She saw a half eaten pizza and grabbed a slice.

"Buffy are you sure that's a good idea. Remember what the doctor said. You should take it easy and slow small stuff with the food." Buffy put the slice on a plate then placed it in the microwave..

"Come on Xander you heard the doctor. I'm exceptional. Most people wouldn't have been able to wake up from what I did much less be up and walking right now."

"Okay but don't say I didn't warn you." Xander's cell phone rang out. Buffy turned her head.

"What's that?"

"It's my Iphone."

"Eye what?" He shook his head.

"I'll explain it later. It's your sister." He pushed the button on the phone. "Hey Dawn.'

"So I'm driving right now but with traffic I should be there just after 5 pm. is she okay?"

"The doctor wants to run a full check up tomorrow but so far everything seems good."

"Can I talk to her? Is she strong enough." Xander took a deep breath "Hold on I'll ask her." Xander put the phone on mute. "Your sister wants to talk to you?" Buffy looked nervous.

"Xander I'm not sure what to say."

"Doesn't matter what you say. She loves you. She misses you. You could recite the alphabet and she'd be okay with it. She just wants to hear your voice." Buffy nodded and put her hand up to take the phone. Xander unmuted it and handed it to her.

Buffy listened for a second afraid to say anything. Finally in a small voice "Dawn?"

"Oh God Buffy it is you. There are so many things I want to tell you. So many"

"Well I am awake now and I want to hear all of them."

"I'm coming in right now."

"What about the others? Willow and Faith and Giles?" The last one hung in the air for a second. Buffy hadn't been told about Giles just yet. Dawn sighed, "They'll be here soon."

"I can't wait to see you Dawn."

"I love you Buffy."

"Drive safely." Buffy handed the phone back to Xander who hung it up. She looked to Xander. "She is on her way." Buffy walked to the microwave and took the slice of pizza out. She bit in to it. "You know I didn't tell you this but your house is really quite amazing."

"Well I'm glad you like it cause technically it is yours" Buffy took another bite confused.

"How is that possible?"

"When this started we wanted a place that you would always be able to use. The only way to ensure that was to make sure that this place was kept in your name."

"And the surprises just keep coming. So you live here also?"

"Last bedroom top of the hall."

"And you lived here so you could take care of me."

"Wasn't a lot to take care of? The nurse did most of it. I did all the non-medical stuff. The doctors told us that having a familiar voice near by would help you. They told us some people could hear while in a coma."

"But what if I never woke up?"

"It was a risk I was willing to take." Buffy shook her head

"You are a better friend then I deserve." Buffy took another bite and chewed it down.

"That's not true. Besides I did have help. Your sister came when she could. Faith and Willow were awesome. Spike was here for the first year. Angel left after 3."

"Spike and Angel were here? Then they left me?" She shook her head "I'm going to be sick."

"Buffy don't be so hard they"

"No I mean I am going to literally be sick." She sprang to her feet and ran to the closest bathroom. The sound of gagging could be heard through the door as she quickly got rid of the few bites of pizza. Xander stood at the door and sighed.

"Can't say I didn't warn you" Xander talked to Buffy about the changes the world had been through. He hit on things like the death of a pop king. He explained to her Facebook. He showed her clips of the presidential inauguration of the countries first African American president. Her heart ached a little as she watched the devastation of a hurricane that shook the country. Next she watched a Tsunami that rocked Japan.

He was careful to feed her little bits at a time. He didn't want to over load her. Buffy shook her head. "You know what's bizarre. I have so much TV to catch up on. Like did Ross and Rachael ever get back together?"

"Don't get me started on movies. There are new Batman movies they are amazing. The guy they got to pla" Xander stopped as he heard a car in the driveway. He turned around to hear the front door fly open. Dawn was a blur speeding past Xander and grabbed her sister in a hug. Buffy wrapped her arms around Dawn welcoming the embrace.

"Buffy you have no idea how much I have missed you."

"Well I'm not going anywhere anytime soon" Dawn sat and talked with Buffy. She dropped bomb after bomb on her sister. She told Buffy how she graduated college. She then told her about the man she met and went on to marry. She pulled pictures out of her purse showing Buffy her niece and nephew. There were tears and laughs. It was like Buffy had gained more family over night.

"I've told them all the stories about the things you've done. Eric thinks you are like a superhero." Buffy laughed covering her mouth.

"When do I get to meet them?"

"I've talked with Carter. He's going to bring them in tomorrow."

"So I'll get to meet your husband and your children. Which is good cause I never got to give the stamp of approval when you were dating."

"Don't worry. Xander did the whole intimidation game. Gave him the whole if you hurt her I'll break you in half speech." Buffy laughed and shook her head.

"Can always count on Xander." Xander stepped in to the room interrupting.

"I just wanted to let you know Dawn I put your things in your room and have had everything set up for the night." Buffy looked to her sister confused.

"You have a room here?"

"The one right next to yours. " Xander smiled bragging a bit for Dawn.

"Dawn was probably here more then anyone. She never gave up on you." Dawn shook her head not wanting to steal Xander's thunder.

"Well anyone more then Xander. I could count on him for everything. He would call me and give me updates." Buffy laughed.

"Updates? Really. Can't imagine there was a lot to update. Hey Xander she's still sleeping? Yep. Okay call back tomorrow." Dawn playfully punched her sister in the shoulder.

"Can see your sense of humor hasn't been effected." Buffy punched pack with a little more oomph. "Or your strength."

"Oh sorry Dawn." Buffy smiled "But that's good. I mean the coma didn't take my slayer essence." Xander's phone rang out and he left the room so he could answer it. He looked at the caller ID.

"Hello Willow."

"So Dawn told me Buffy is awake."

"Yeah Dawn is talking with her right now. It's incredible"

"I should be in later tonight. Can you make up the guest room?"

"So you are staying?"

"If there is room."

"You know me I'll find room."

"Well you might want to find two then." Faith grabbed the phone out of Willow's hand.

"Slumber Party time man. Get it ready." Xander laughed glad to have all of the family back together.

"I'll make you two a deal you get here. I will find a place for all of you and I'll even feed you. Don't eat any crap along the way. We'll do a nice dinner tonight."

"Deal." Xander looked behind him making sure that he was far enough away Buffy couldn't hear.

"Faith I want to tell Spike and Angel but I don't know how to get a hold of either of them." Faith rolled her eyes annoyed by the vampires.

"Screw em they don't need to know."

"Faith I'm not a member of the fan club but they do have a right to know." Faith sighed.

"I heard Angel was in Turkey. He is a little easier to find. I passed on the message to the people in the know and they said they would get it to him. Spike on the other hand I don't know where to start. He's been off the grid for years. For all we know he's been dusted."

"But I've heard rumor and speculation. Nothing solid but."

"Don't worry about it. If he shows up he shows up but I'm not going to lose sleep if he doesn't" Willow snatched her phone back.

"Hey Xander we got to go. Our flight is connecting right now. I will see you tonight."

"See you then." He hung up the phone and started cleaning the house. It had been a long time since all of them had been together. The last time he could remember was when Giles called them all together to make his announcement. He sighed. Not sure how they were going to tell Buffy that Giles was gone. He sucked in a deep breath and figured it would be best to tell her when everyone was around. He started cleaning and making up the guest bedroom. He was checking to make sure the sheets were clean.

"So we have to talk about my room?" Xander turned around to find Buffy.

"I thought you and Dawn were talking."

"Oh she's just calling the family making arrangements and stuff."

"So your room?"

"Well I don't' think the respirator is really needed anymore and the hospital bed is nice but not really my style."

"I'll call the medical supply company have it removed and we can make arrangements for furniture tomorrow."

"Arrangements? Where is the money coming from?"

"The Watchers council gives us a monthly stipend. Consider it kind of like a retirement package." He looked at Buffy and smiled. "What do you say we go out tomorrow we'll get everything you need for the room. We can go after your doctor appointment."

"I'm glad you say that. Dawn and I were going to pick out some clothes. So you can come along with."

"Oh that's just great. Nothing more I look forward to then playing pack mule to you and your sister while you both re inflate the economy."

"Coma Girl here. That comes with a certain amount of built in sympathy." Xander laughed.

"You are right. I'm sure tomorrow will be fun." Dawn came up the stairs.

"I just got off the phone with Carter. He's taking an early weekend and bringing the kids up here. They'll all be here tomorrow." Xander laughed rubbing the back of his head. The house is definitely going to be full." Buffy wanted to see all of them.

"Doesn't matter we will find the room" Dawn wanted to help any way possible.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Well I'm going to work on the barn if you want to help" Buffy looked at them.

"What can I do to help?" Xander really wanted to talk to Dawn alone.

"You can relax. The doctor said he didn't want you exerting yourself so just relax." Buffy shrugged.

"That's fine. I want to watch some future TV anyways." Xander laughed heading out the door with Dawn. Dawn knew what Xander was thinking as she walked.

"You haven't told Buffy about Giles yet."

"I want to but it doesn't seem fair. Everyone else is coming and I don't want to put Buffy in this sad dreary place."

"I get that but she has a right to know. More then that the longer we wait the angrier she is going to get. " They walked in the barn looking around. The barn was fairly modern and in awesome shape. It had cement poured floor and heating ducts all around the barn. 70 percent of the barn was unused. The horse stalls weren't really needed. Xander did have a small section for his woodworking and some monitors set up.

Even when he was in the barn he wanted to be able to see in the house. Dawn turned on the monitor to see Buffy scratching her butt. Dawn laughed.

"Think she knows she's being watched." Xander turned off the monitor and turned to her.

"So I'm thinking I'll set up a few of the roll away beds in here. I'll give Faith my room. Willow can take the couch. You, Carter and little B can crash in your room and Eric and I will camp out in here."

"Sounds like you have it figured out." Xander let go of a breath.

"I think we go back in and we sit her down. We tell her the truth about Giles and then I'll give her the letter he wrote to her." Dawn sighed, "If we are going to do this let's get it done before everyone gets here." Xander nodded and put his hands in his back pocket.

"You ready for this?"

"As ready as we can be." They walked in to the front door of the house. Xander called Buffy.

"Can you come in here?" Buffy walked in to the kitchen to find Xander and Dawn sitting at the table.

"What's going on?" Xander cleared his throat.

"Buffy we need to talk."


	5. Awake 5

_(Much like a DVD I added bonus content this week. Check out chapter 5.1 for an added bonus. As always hope you enjoy)_

Buffy's hand trembled as she read the letter. When she had read the last word she buried her face in her hands and cried. "What the hell kind of world have I come back to? This is s dream right? I'm going to wake up and none of this will be real." Dawn walked to Buffy and touched her shoulder trying to offer some comforting words.

"I know it's hard Buffy but we are here for you. We can." Buffy pulled away and stood up. She ran out the door as fast as her legs would take her.

Xander sighed and stood up. "I'll go after her." Xander watched as she ran. He was unable to catch her but was able to keep up. He knew Buffy would only be able to run so far before she hit the lake. Sure enough with in two minutes he found Buffy crying and sitting on the ground. He watched from a distance wanting to give her time.

15 minutes later he slowly stepped towards her. She heard a twig snap and looked up to find Xander. "You don't have to worry about me Xander." Xander sat down across from her. He picked up a pebble and skipped it across the pond surface.

"Force of habit I guess. I mean I've been looking after you for so long kind of hard to shut it off."

"I should have been there Xander. I wanted to say things to him and now I never will get the chance."

Xander looked at her. "What would you say?"

"I'd tell him I love him. I'd tell him. What he meant to me." The tears flowed from her eyes. Xander reached in to his pocket and pulled out a piece of tissue handing it too her.

"You don't think he knew that?"

"We had that stupid fight."

"You mean when Wood wanted to kill Spike and Giles was trying to help."

"I was so angry and stubborn I never talked to him about it. I just figured some day we'd talk about it."

"I actually talked to him about that."

"You did?"

"Your first few months in the coma he felt guilty. He said he wanted to tell you he was sorry. He sat by your bed and would just talk to you." Buffy closed he eyes and could feel something familiar. She knew Xander wasn't lying for her benefit.

"It's probably crazy but that feels familiar. It feels like something I've heard."

"So maybe some of the stuff we said did reach you?" Buffy stood up angry.

"It still doesn't change the fact that he died not knowing how I felt."

Xander shook his head. "Buffy you knew that Giles loved you. You knew that before you read that letter. In your heart you always knew he looked at you as his daughter. So that works both ways. Giles knew you loved him. We might have our stumbles along the way but it doesn't change the big picture."

Buffy turned and faced the lake. "It's kind of nice out here."

"Look if you aren't up to seeing Willow and Faith I can call them and."

Buffy shook her head. "No. I want to see them." Buffy sighed and had one last thought about Giles. "Xander I think I want to go to the Watcher's Council someday. I want to see Giles final resting place."

"I think that would be a good idea."

"Is it nice? I mean the council." She imagined it was.

"I've heard nothing but good things about it from slayer and watcher a like. The slayers and the watchers worked together to achieve a goal. Rather then the old days where old British men forced orders upon one."

"You've heard? You've never seen it yourself?"

"To be honest Buffy been kind of busy the last 12 years." Buffy felt a twinge of guilt go through her.

"I'm not sure if I said it yet but." She looked in his eyes wanting to show her sincerity. "Thank you for what you've done. You are the reason I'm standing here."

Xander had his hands in his pockets and slumped his shoulders. "Hey I'm just glad you are back." Buffy looked around trying to figure out the location. The truth was she had just started running and didn't pay a lot of attention to direction.

"Xander which direction is the house?" He couldn't help but laugh.

"Follow me." They arrived back at the house a few minutes later to find Dawn straitening up.

Dawn looked at her sister. "You okay?"

"Not yet. But I'll get there in time."

"Well you always have us to lean on."

Xander walked in the back door looking to Dawn. "I'm going to run to the store pick up some food for the house and dinner for tonight."

Buffy used the chance to look around the house. She explored the different rooms feeling a bit like she was trespassing. Xander said it belonged to her but it didn't feel like hers.

An hour later Xander arrived back home with 3 dozen grocery bags. With guests arriving he knew it would be the equivalent of feeding a small army. Add to the house was pretty low on groceries. The last bag he carried in was hot and steaming ready to eat.

20 minutes later Xander was finishing putting the last of the groceries away when he heard a car in the driveway. He looked out to see Willow and Faith getting out and lugging their bags. Buffy must have heard the same cause she came down the steps. "They are here?" Before Xander could answer Willow walked in the back door and smiled.

"It is good to be home." Willow smiled then looked across the room at Buffy. She set the bags down and opened her arms. "Come here Buffy." Buffy crossed the room and hugged Willow.

"I am so glad you are."

Faith walked in behind her smelling the dinner Xander purchased. "Damn something smells good and I am hungry."

Xander smiled at her. "I picked up a big order of lasagna and all the fixings from Giuseppe's."

Buffy pulled away from Willow and looked at Faith. "Faith I."

She interrupted Buffy before she could finish. "We've never done the mushy huggy thing. So let's just say. It's good to have you back."

Willow smiled at them. "Give us a few minutes to unpack and I say we eat."

Faith nodded. "I definitely want to get my grub on."

Xander helped them with there bags and showed them each to where they would be sleeping. Dawn in the mean time plated up their food.

As they all sat down to eat Buffy looked at Willow. "So Kennedy couldn't make it?"

Willow looked confused for a second then realized what she was talking about. "Kennedy? Oh God there is a name I haven't heard in a long time."

Buffy shook her head feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry Will I still don't know all the history of what happened. I'm picking it up but."

"Buffy it's okay. Kennedy and I broke up a long time ago. We were different people and I couldn't make it work. She was great but she was kind of my rebound after Tara."

Faith laughed. "I think she likes being single better. She can slut it up with all the witches she watches over. Not to mention the slayers." Xander laughed a little but covered his mouth.

Willow smiled. "I am not a slut. I just find that a relationship ties you down. When I go to the cafeteria I sometimes want Strawberry ice cream. Maybe the next day I want butter brickle There is nothing wrong with wanting to taste as many flavors as you can."

Faith stuck her fork in her plate taking a bite then looked at Buffy. "Speaking of which I betcha Buffy is eager to visit Baskin Robins."

Buffy put her hands up. "Not even going to address that."

Faith pointed her fork at Buffy, "Come on it's been 12 years. You going to tell me you aren't eager to scoop up." Xander laughed and Faith pointed at him. "I don't think you have any right to laugh Harris. Last I checked it's been 12 years for you."

"I'll have you know I have tons of sex. I had some of the most amazing onesomes you can imagine."

They bust out laughing. Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You went 12 years no sex?" Suddenly feeling embarrassed. He stood up. "I think I'm going to grab another helping. This stuff is amazing."

Faith laughed seeing Xander turn red. She turned around smacking Xander's butt. "Well maybe I'll saddle ya up tonight cowboy."

Xander shook his head. "Faith I say this with all love but you scare the hell out me. You are too much woman for me." Xander was uncomfortable talking about sex with Buffy there. He was watching his words around her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel guilty. It's not like he could say I couldn't find someone to have sex with cause I was watching you. As the meal was done Xander made a suggestion.

"So why don't I grab some firewood and we'll use the fire place. I bought some wine. We'll make a night of it."

Buffy stood up starting to clear the table. Dawn stopped her "Buffy relax I can."

"Dawn I love you but treating me like I'm made of glass isn't' helping. I am feeling better."

Faith patted Dawn's shoulder. "Been there Dawn. I mean I only stayed in a coma for 10 months but we slayers bounce back pretty quickly."

Dawn nodded and let Buffy take care of it. Faith picked up some of the dishes carrying them to the sink.

Buffy started the water in the sink. "I forgot about that. We both are members of the coma club now."

"In my case 10 months in a coma did me some good. It slept the evil out of me."

"Other then the fact that you switched bodies with me and tried taking over my life." Faith laughed a little.

"Hey it was residual evil. It worked its way out. Eventually at least."

Buffy smiled and laughed. Buffy smiled cleaning the plates. "Faith I know you and I have never been besties or anything but I appreciate you stepping up while I was out. Xander told me you kind of lead the way."

"I did the best I could. You left some amazingly big boots to fill."

"I don't know about that."

"You kidding B? They still tell stories about you. You are a legend. Come gather around the fire and here the tale of Buffy Summers the greatest slayer who ever lived."

"Some legend I am." She shook her head. "Problem with being a legend is when people meet you it's hard to live up to the stories."

"Don't worry about being a legend. Just be yourself." Buffy turned hearing another car approaching in the drive. Buffy looked out the window.

"Did Xander invite someone else?"

"Beats the hell out of me B." She went to the door surprised by who was coming in. Standing before her larger then life and twice as dead was Angel. She was a little stunned unsure what to say.

"Hello Buffy." Her mouth hung open not entirely sure what to say. "I got the message you were awake and I got on the first plane I could."

Faith sighed feeling an awkward tension in the room. If it was awkward now what happened next made it just uncomfortable. A chestnut haired woman walked in behind him She has a very Cordeila feel to her but had an Italian accent.

"Angel honey which way is the bathroom." Angel cleared his throat and pointed at the stairs.

"Go up the stairs 2nd door on the right."

Faith smiled wanting to get out. "I'm gong to get some air." Faith left and the woman looked at Buffy.

"I would introduce myself but I have been in the car for a long time and I really need to find a restroom."

Buffy not sure what to make of the woman smiled. "It's understandable."

With that she scurried up the steps and out of sight. Angel shook his head.

"I was hoping she'd wait in the car for a little bit. I'm sorry. I wanted to."

Buffy shook her head. "It's okay Angel you have a girlfriend. It's not a crime."

"She's not my girlfriend. She's kind of" He tried finding the words. As he said the words she noticed the gold band on his finger. "She's my wife."


	6. Awake 51

Dear Buffy

If you are reading this I take comfort in knowing you are awake. I wish more then anything I could be there to greet you. You've lost so many who have meant so much to you and now I am added to that list. There is so much I wish I could say to you. I don't know where to start. You are the finest student anyone could ask for. Any teacher would hope to be humbled by the feats of his student but it is your soul of which I am most proud. Your abilities may be of the slayer lineage but it is your soul that has made you the hero you are. I never thought I would have children. Much like a slayer having a calling, a watcher can't allow distractions in his life. Years ago I made the choice that I would devote myself fully to being a proper watcher. I had forgone a family to uphold duty. It was my duty and calling that brought me my family. Like any family we may have our disagreements through the years but it doesn't change the love. I offer you a father's love. The greatest accomplishment I can truly claim is knowing you. I assume since you are awake now questions will come next. What to do with your future, where to live, who to love. Unfortunately I won't be around to offer any advice but I'm not worried. I have taught you well and I know you can look to yourself for the right answer. I will offer one last piece of advice. You may do with it what you desire. Buffy you are the longest living slayer in history. I don't know how old you will be when you are reading this. I do know that you have the spirit to fight. You want to make the world a better place so you'll never be 100 percent sure when the right time to stop fighting is. You have not only earned your rest but you have earned retirement. It's father worry that drives me to keep you safe. What ever you choose to be the next chapter in your life I have great faith in knowing you are fully capable. I ask you to not shed many tears over me. I wouldn't feel right to bring to much sadness to a girl who has seen so much. Lastly I ask of you what I have asked of the others. I've learned and appreciated the importance of family. So look after Faith and Dawn Xander Willow, as I'm sure they will look after you. Cherish your time with each other. Other then that Buffy I ask you to be happy. Find what it is that makes you happy and do it. As your watcher I have officially been released of my duties for some time now but as someone who loves you very much I hope you know I will always be with you.

Love

Rupert Giles


	7. Awake 6

"Would you mind saying that again? You are married?" Angel looked down ringing his hands together.

"I didn't want you to find out this way Buffy. I wanted time to sit down and explain but the truth is once I heard you were awake I left. I packed up and we just left. I didn't take time to figure out how I would explain being married." Buffy shook her head wanting to make it easier for Angel.

"You don't need to explain. I'm happy for you." Buffy went to the table and sat down. "Why don't' you tell me about her." Angel felt a little apprehensive but figured now was as good a time as any.

"6 yeas ago I put together a crew. Some of them were old friends some were slayers. I picked up the fight where I left it. I went back to war with Wolfram and Hart. Which took us to Italy. Rosa was fighting against the battle against them too."

"Fighting?"

"She's a slayer Buffy." Buffy laughed a little to herself.

"Wow you really have a thing for slayers."

"So she led a few girls of her own. My group joined hers and we worked together for the same common good."

"How did that go?"

"Better then hoped. It took us a while but we took down the Italian chapter of Wolfram and Hart. Then we went after the African location, then Asia. Wolfram and Hart made there last stand 4 months ago in L.A."

"I thought you took them down years ago." Angel stood up and nodded.

"We did but they tried the best they could to rebuild."

"I'm taking since you are standing here you must have won."

"I don't know if you can call it a total win. We lost a lot of good people. Sometimes I wonder if the price we paid is just to high." He shook his head. "But Rosa was always there for me. When I lost Gunn I felt like quitting. Rosa picked me up. She told me that if I quit his death would be for nothing."

"Sounds like a hell of a woman." Angel laughed a little.

"You'd like her. She's got your fire."

"So you married her?"

"It started as a joke. I told her if we ever won the big one I would marry her right then and there" Buffy laughed a little.

"So it was death or marriage."

"I chose marriage."

"So you said 4 months ago you beat them in LA so you must be newlyweds."

"After the battle I dropped to my knee. I asked her. Then we went to the little white chapel"

"Right after the battle?"

"Must have been a hell of a sight. We were bloody and beaten our clothes were torn but we figured we earned it. We took two weeks to relax and honey moon and then we set up in Cleveland. Then this afternoon someone from the council tracked me down. They told me you were awake. I booked my flight immediately. When I told her where I was going she begged me to come."

"Begged?"

"She wanted to meet you?"

"Why the hell would she want to meet me?"

"Are you kidding Buffy? To slayers you are a legend. You gave them their power and you are a hero to her."

"Stop Angel I'm not."

"Buffy before she knew me she knew you. She wasn't impressed with any of my stories but then I told her I knew you and I got credit."

"You are exaggerating." Rosa interrupted coming in to the kitchen.

"He really isn't" She looked at Buffy with such reverence. "Let me say it is an honor to meet you. I apologize earlier about my invasion. I didn't mean to be rude but I really." Buffy shook her head.

"No apologies are necessary. It's nice to meet you Rosa." Angel stood up standing next to his wife in support.

Rosa looked to Buffy."I know you two have catching up to do so I will let you talk. I just hope we can have a chance to have a sit down some time." Buffy nodded and smiled.

"I would like that very much." Rosa looked to Angel.

"I'm going to give you some time to catch up. I'll head back to the hotel and." Buffy bit her lip not sure if she had the room but wanted to offer it anyways.

"If you guys need a place to stay we can find room here. I mean."

Angel shook his head. "Buffy we already set up at the plaza. I do appreciate the offer though."

Angel handed Rosa the keys to the car. "Call me when you are ready and I'll pick you up." Angel leaned down giving his wife a quick kiss. "Take your time."

With that she left and Buffy went back to the dishes. Angel picked up a towel helping her to dry. She wanted to talk about the elephant in the room they were both avoiding so she just said it.

"You are married now and I wasn't expecting it."

"Again I didn't want you to find out this way."

"We can't say it's not tense or awkward considering our past and finding out this way." She breathed a deep sigh and looked at him "But I've always wanted good things for you. I want you happy. So if you are happy"

"I am."

"Then I'm happy for you." Angel smiled at her and opened his arms to her.

"You have no idea how much that means to me to hear that from you." She hugged him. The back door opened and Xander came in with an arm full of fire wood. Angel looked at him and smiled. "Hello Xander."

Xander nodded. "Angel." The truth was he knew he was there. He saw him come in while he gathering wood from the barn but wanted to give him time. "Welcome back. Are you staying I can find a room for."

Angel shook his head. "Thank you but no."

"Before you leave we should catch up."

"Sounds good." With that Xander carried the wood in to the den to start the fire.

Buffy looked at Angel wondering what the hell she just saw. "What was that?"

"What?"

"You hate Xander. He hates you. This is like bizzaro world."

Angel smiled and laughed. "Don't get me wrong we aren't best friends but." He sighed, "We spent a lot of time together early on and I developed a certain amount of respect."

Buffy shook her head not even able to imagine. "I still can't believe you and Xander lived together. It's like a bad sitcom."

"Well early on it was me Xander and Spike."

Buffy turned looking at Angel hearing Spike's name. "You don't know where Spike is do you?'

"He kind of dropped off the map. Every once in a while you hear a rumor but nothing solid." Buffy handed Angel the last dish to dry and pulled the plug out of the sink.

"Doesn't surprise me. Spike has always been the nomad drifter." Buffy leaned against the sink and turned around. "So these rumors?"

"He was in a Tibetan monastery with some monks providing protection." Buffy laughed thinking of Spike around a bunch of monks.

"Think they would make him shave his head."

"Now that I would pay actual money to see" Buffy looked at the door.

"What do you say we get some air? By we I mean me seeing as you really don't breathe."

"Sounds good."

"You can catch me up on everything that you've been up to." He nodded "Sounds good." Angel walked out with Buffy. They spent the next hour walking. Angel regaled her with the tales of the 3-headed 90-foot troll. Then there was the time Angelus had once again found his way to take over. It was Rosa who had the strength and faith to draw the man she loved out and cast Angelus to hell once and for all.

Buffy had no delusions that her and Angel could ever be together again. Even if she had that option the Angel that stood before was not the man she once knew and loved. This Angel she would be proud to call friend though.

Willow was roasting a marshmallow over the fire when she heard Buffy and Angel come in. They joined the others in the den. Willow held up the bag and a fork.

"Making some smore's if you want one Angel." Angel smiled and shook his head.

"As good as that sounds I really should get back to Rosa but we'll see each other again. I'm in town for a few days." Angel reached in to his jacket pulling out his cell phone. "I'm just going to call Rosa have her come get me."

Xander stood up handing Buffy his roasting fork.""Don't call her I'll give you a lift."

"You sure? I don't want to be a pain in the ass."

"Yeah it's not a problem" Angel said his good byes and Xander pulled the jeep out of the barn as Angel walked out hopping in

"Thanks again for the ride."

"I had ulterior motives. I kind of wanted to talk to you."

"I kind of figured as much." Angel snapped his seat belt as Xander pulled away.

"How did things go with you and Buffy?"

"It was fine. We spent some time catching up. She talked to me a little about what is next with her."

"And she is okay with you being married."

"I think our time passed. I mean I'll always love her and I think some part of her will always love me but things have changed?"

"Things have changed? I mean I get that you guys have to let go but seems to me that after all you've been through."

"Bottom line is fate has put us in different places. If we were meant to be it would have happened"

"Well that's good cause you are married and all."

"Happily married."

"I don't want to pry and I know it wasn't my business I just worry."

"Xander one thing I've always respected about you was that you looked out for her. I don 't think we'll ever be friends but you have my respect for all that you've done for her"

"Thank you."

"That being said I have to ask, are you going to make a move?"

"Make a move?"

"You love her right?' Xander laughed not believing he asked that.

"What makes you think that?"

"Come on Xander I am a card carrying member of the I love Buffy club. It is a club that once you are in." He looked at Xander "You are in for life."

"Using that logic you think because I loved her in high school I still love her now."

" Not hearing a denial here."

"Let's just for argument sake say you are right." He shrugged and turned on the wipers as the first drops of rain came down. "Wouldn't matter. She doesn't love me?"

"You sure of that?"

"I told her how I felt."

"When did you tell her?"

"High school."

Angel rolled his eyes shaking his head. "That was a long time ago Xander a lot has changed since then."

"Why do you care?"

"Honestly I care a great deal for Buffy and I want what is best for her. For as long as I have known her I can't think of someone who has treated her better. I know that if she ended up with you she'd at least have someone who will watch out for her. Besides I'd pick you over the alternative."

"The alternative?"

"Come on Xander. We both know that if Spike is alive it's just a matter of time before he comes back and stakes his claim to Buffy."

"So you think I ought to beat him to the punch. Doesn't really seem fair. I mean he's not here so I swoop in and make a move before he can."

"First off Spike would do it to you. Second the oldest rule in the world is all is fair in love and war." Xander laughed a little and shook his head.

"So she'd pick me out of default not because I'm the best choice."

"Does it matter?"

"Sort of yes."

"That's where you are wrong. If you love her don't over think it. I would have given anything to be with her. If you want to be with her then don't waste your time thinking about the why's."

"Again this is all based on hypothetical. I mean I never said I want to be with her." Angel laughed and shook his head. A few minutes later Xander pulled up to the hotel and put the car in park. "We are here."

"Again thanks for the ride. I'm sure I'll bump in to you again before I take off." Angel stuck out his hand and shook Xander's. He looked at him. "One last thing."

"What's up?"

"You've never let fear determine who you are. That being said you can't be afraid now. If you feel something for her tell her. The other side is a road paved with regret."

Xander sighed and nodded. "I'll think about what you said." With that he pulled away driving home as Angel found his way in to his hotel room.

As Xander pulled up to the house he noticed most of the lights were out. He walked inside to find almost everyone had gone to sleep. He walked in the house to find the fireplace had burned out. Buffy was the only one awake.

When he walked in she was picking up the half empty bag of marshmallows and grabbed the dirty dishes carrying them to the sink.

"I can help you with those Buff." He took the glasses from her.

"Thanks. Everyone went to sleep."

"There was room?"

"Well technically Faith is sleeping in your bed. She made a innuendo about joining her if you want but I don't think I'm mature enough to repeat exactly what she said." Xander laughed and shook his head.

"Yeah I think I'll be crashing on the couch."

"She still scares you."

"Terrifies me." Buffy just laughed taking care of the dishes.

"Well I can take the couch and you can have my" Xander shook his head and smiled not letting her finish.

"It's okay Buffy. I actually like the couch. " She sighed and looked him in the eyes. She had more on her mind it was obvious.

"Do you have a minute or two to talk."

"Actually there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What?" Xander kept thinking about what Angel said to him in the car. Living in a world of regret if he never told her

"Oh it's okay Buffy you can go first."

"No really Xander it's fine."

"Buffy just shut up and tell me what's on your mind." She smiled a little nodded.

"Right. What's on my mind." She walked back in to the living room sitting on the couch. Xander sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of her.

"I have guilt Xander."

"Guilt?"

"Xander I know I didn't always act like it but I saw you as someone with limitless potential. You could have done amazing things Xander. You still can."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't want to hold you back anymore."

'Buffy you never held me back?"

"If you didn't have to be here watching over Coma Buffy you could have been doing great things in the world."

"I was watching over a champion. I think that was kind of important."

"You gave up influence at the council. You could have been a voice of power. You could have been head of the council. But no you wasted your life."

"Buffy I"

"Xander I know you are too nice. I know you don't see it as a waste. I am asking you though stop wasting time."

"What is it you want me to do?"

"I want you to live. Really live. No more holding back wasting time. You gave up enough. You been here for the last decade and now its time for you to leave."

"Leave?"

"It's not like I want you to. It's hard saying this to you. Sometimes when you want to do what is right you have to make sacrifices"

"Buffy I don't even know if I want to leave. I don't know what I would do."

"Xander you could do what ever you want. You have such potential. I don't want to be the thing holding you back anymore."

"Buffy I"

"Please Xander. You deserve so much more." Xander sighed and took a deep breath. Buffy was telling him to leave. She was telling him she wanted him to have a life. The idea of being out of her life hurt him. It hurt him a lot. He figured this was her way of asking for space. If that was what she wanted then so be it.

"Okay Buffy I'll figure out my next move." Buffy smiled and went to him hugging him. She then let him go and turned around to go to bed.

"Oh wait. You had something you wanted to say."

"Oh right. I was just going to say we should get an early start shopping tomorrow cause Dawn's family is coming in."

"Oh yeah. That's fine." Buffy nodded and smiled walked up to the steps to her room. Xander let go of his plans. The idea of telling her how he felt had long passed. So the only question left for him was if his life was no longer centered on Buffy then what was his life about.


	8. Awake 7

Xander sat on the bench in the mall waiting on dawn and Buffy. It was just like old times. He took a sip from his diet coke and looked at his watch. Dawn came out carrying another bag. She plopped down next to Xander and smiled.

"You look bored."

"Oh me bored No I'm having a wonderful time. You know nothing more fun then playing pack mule to my two favorite girls."

"You know it's funny I haven't really done the massive shopping thing in forever but Buffy inspires me. She brings it out in me."

"Yeah and your sister is shopping to make up for lost time." Dawn laughed and smiled patting Xander's leg.

"Well at least she got some furniture for her bedroom."

"Which is good cause they are picking up the hospital bed as we speak." Dawn bit her lip trying to find a way to bridge the topic.

"So Buffy tells me you are leaving?"

"That's what the rumor is."

"What are you going to do?"

"To be honest I don't know. I guess I'm supposed to live or do something meaningful. Whatever?"

"You don't sound jazzed about it."

"I don't know Dawn. Your sister talks to me about all the great things I could have done. All the potential I have in me. The thing is I think I was doing something great. I don't consider my time here to be time wasted." Xander stood up walking to the railing on top level at the mall. He looked out at the people below him walking. Dawn followed listening to him. "I love my home. I love my routine. I love my wood shop in the barn. I love"

"Buffy?"

Xander turned facing Dawn. "Of course I love your sister Dawn. She's my best friend."

"But that's not the kind of love I am talking about."

"My God am I wearing some kind of sign that says I love Buffy. First Angel tells me he can see it and now you."

"You know you don't have a trademark on being the only one who can see."

"It wouldn't matter anyways. Your sister wants me out of her life. She told me she wants me to leave."

"Not because she is mad at you. I think she feels guilty of al the time you gave up and seeing you is a constant reminder."

"Dawn I have never walked away. I've always been the guy who stands by her side and now." He shook his head "Now that is done with."

"Don't give up yet." She sighed and went back to bench as Xander followed. "Financially are you?"

"Giles made sure I was okay. He set me up with a monthly pension from the council and then I never really spent what he left me in his will."

"Well you know if you need anything."

"I'll be okay Dawn. Who knows maybe I can change your sisters mind before I have to go."

With that Buffy came out carrying 2 more bags." She looked at Xander and her sister. "So I was thinking I should get a cell phone."

Xander nodded just agreeing. "There is a place a few stores down that has what ever phone you want. But we have to be quick the delivery guys are going to be coming in a little bit."

Buffy spent the next hour trying to understand her iPhone. It was amusing to see. She bit her lip trying to figure out how to turn it on much less make a call. She just studied the device trying to figure it out.

"So this thing has a camera on it. Right?"

Dawn laughed a little thinking Buffy's mind was still stuck in the past. "Buffy that's an iPhone it has a lot more then a camera on it. It has MP3 capability you can download a bunch of different aps it is Bluetooth ready has texting and video chat."

It was like Dawn was speaking Japanese. "What's Bluetooth?'

Xander laughed and just looked at her. "Don't worry Buffy we will teach you everything about your new phone." Xander pulled In the drive way to find another car in the driveway. Xander smiled at Dawn. "I think you have visitors."

Dawn smiled seeing her husband and children sitting on the front steps. As the car came to a stop Dawn got out walking to them. Carter and Little Buffy came running to Dawn hugging her.

Buffy sat next to Xander in the car and whispered. "This is Dawn's family?"

"By proxy your family also Buffy." Xander could see the look of fear and apprehension on Buffy's face. "Are you ready for this?"

"I think so." She opened the car door and stood still for a minute.

Dawn kneeled to her children. "Now I've been waiting for a long time for you guys to meet my sister. She is very very important to me."

Carter turned looking at her a little skeptically. "Did you really fight a dragon?"

Buffy couldn't help but laugh. She took a few steps to the little boy. "Well if that is what your mother told you I'd believe it."

He looked at her a little bit of disbelief. "You don't look very strong."

"That's what a lot of people say."

Xander walked to Carter and tousled the top of his head mussing up his hair. "Don't let looks fool ya buddy she's strong. She is really strong."

The ten year old girl standing there had been quiet long enough. "So you are the one I got my name from."

Buffy looked to her sister. "I can't believe you named your daughter after me."

"Actually we call her little B."

The girl put her hands on her hips as if she was examining her namesake. "You know I'm strong too. Mom lets me take karate lessons and I am the best one in my class."

"Wow I won't be picking any fights with you."

Dawn put her hands on the back of the kids. "You two run inside and say hello to Faith and Willow." The kids picked up there bags and ran inside. Dawn took Buffy's hand and pulled her over to Eric.

"Buffy this is my husband Eric." Buffy looked at the man standing front of her. He was very handsome. He had a chiseled jaw and brown hair. People told him he looked a bit like a Disney prince. Buffy put her hand out and smiled.

"Eric it's very nice to meet you."

Eric shook her hand and smiled. "It's actually not the first time we met."

Buffy tilted her head confused. "Really?"

"When Dawn and I started dating she introduced me to you. She said awake or not I had to meet the most important person in her life."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. "Well it's nice to meet you. I hope I make a better impression on my feet then on my back in bed." Buffy realized suddenly how it sounded and turned bright red. "I mean I" Xander and Dawn laughed. Buffy shook her head "There goes that first impression."

Eric laughed and smiled at her reassuringly. "Not a big deal. I look forward to getting to know you." Willow and Faith were inside the house playing with Carter and little B. The sound of the kids laughing could be heard through out the house.

That evening Xander worked the grill while Buffy took time getting to know the newest additions to her family. The kids took to her almost immediately and the more she got to know Eric the more she could see how perfect he truly was for Dawn. Xander worked the bbq grill while Faith worked the blender making sure the margaritas flowed all night.

After Dinner Xander went to the barn to set up a few tents. He promised Carter they could do the barn camp out. Putting the tent up wasn't difficult but 3 margaritas in did make it a little harder. Buffy stood in the doorway of the barn watching Xander fumble trying to put the tent up. 23 minutes later he had the one-person tent up and ready to go. The larger dome tent was almost ready to go when Buffy made her presence known.

He slid the poles in and struggled to get the tent in place. "You having trouble getting it up in your old age?" With a slight shove he clipped the pole in place and went to the other side working on doing the same.

"I'll have you know I can get this tent up just as fast today as I could when I was a kid."

"I'm pretty sure there is an erection joke or two here I can make about you pitching a tent but I am much to classy to make such a joke."

"Or Faith already used all of them." Buffy just laughed and Xander put the final pole in place clipping it and backing it up to check out his work

"I think I did pretty good." Buffy stood there with her hands on her hips.

"You are very good at this." Xander smiled going to the cabinet starting to grab some sleeping bags and pillows. "So who is the small one for."

"Well Eric is little enough that he can have his own tent and I camp with him so I get the big one."

"I was kind of hoping you would let me have it tonight." Xander turned looking at her confused.

"You want to sleep out here?"

"Well Carter asked me if I would camp out here with him. He's such a sweetie. Then when little B heard that she asked if she could join."

Xander laughed and turned to her. "First day they meet you and I'm kicked to the curb. No camping with Xander they only want Aunt Buffy."

"Well you can still join us. Carter and little B can fit in the big tent with me and you can have the small one" Xander laughed knowing the tent was too small.

"I'll find a way to make it work."

Half an hour later the kids were in the barn dressed in there pj's and Buffy in a tank top and sweat pants. Xander came down in some sleeper pants and a t-shirt. He held a simple box of Twinkies in his hand.

"I figured we could ditch the margaritas for something a little more kid friendly." Buffy laughed seeing the Twinkies. 12 years had passed but it seem nothing had really changed. He was still big goofy kid who loved Twinkies.

"I swear Harris you are never going to change."

"If I did I wouldn't be nearly as much fun." Carter ran to Xander's side.

"Twinkie. I want a Twinkie. Twinkie." Xander laughed knowing he was the only person who might love Twinkies more the Xander.

"Okay but don't tell your mom I'm giving them to you this late at night. This is a special occasion camp out kind of surprise thing." He handed him one and then tossed one each to the two Buffy's

Little B sat down in front of the tent. "Tell us a Ghost Story."

"I don't know guys it's late and spooky out here. I don't want to give you guys nightmares" Carter whined shaking his head.

"We won't get scared I promise." Xander smiled looking at Buffy.

"Come on Xander don't let the kids down. Tell us all a good story." Xander sat down on a hay bale across from them.

"Okay one story then it's off to bed." They all sat down and looked at Xander listening intently. "Okay once there was this girl." Little B eye's lit up.

"Like Bella from Twilight."

"100 times stronger then Bella. No 1000 times. Bella is a twit." Buffy looked confused unsure who Bella was.

"Are we talking about the girl from Beauty and The Beast." Xander shook his head chalking it up to Buffy having been out for so long.

"No that is Belle. Bella is a horribly bad character in a horribly bad book series made in to a horribly bad movie and I will die a happy man if I never have to see it. Anyways back to the story." Carter muttered under his breath.

"Twilight sucks."

"Okay so there is this girl she had to face her biggest fear. Now everyone told her that the monster she had to fight The Master was going to rise up to fight her. It was destiny and prophecy that she would die at his hands." Carter raised his hand asking a question.

"What is prophecy?" Xander smiled at him.

"It's when you know about something that is going to happen." Carter kept his hand up.

"And dentistry?" Xander laughed at the mispronunciation of the word.

"Dentistry is when someone works on your teeth. Destiny is something that is supposed to happen. It's the hand that guides us." Little B was growing agitated.

"Just be quiet and listen to the story." Xander smiled at her and continued.

"Now our hero was told by everyone that she had to fight the Master. She was also told that she would die" Carter looked on surprised.

"Not me. I'd run away."

"Well she did for a little bit. She got out of there cause she was afraid. It's okay to be afraid though. See our girl in this story is a hero. She ended up going back because she knew was brave. She wanted to keep her friends safe. She was the bravest girl in all of the world."

Buffy knew the story all to well. She watched as the kids looked at Xander clinging to his every word. When the story was done and the Master was dead the children cheered and applauded. Carter wanted more.

"Another story." Xander shook his head.

"You know the deal one story then off to bed." They groaned in disapproval. Xander stood up and opened his arms. "Now come on give me a hug before bed.' The two of them got up gave him a quick squeeze and he kissed the top of there head. They jumped in to the tent and Buffy turned at them.

"I'll be in the tent in a second guys I just want to talk to Xander." They nodded and tucked themselves in. Xander walked to his tiny tent ready to sleep but Buffy stopped him.

"So that was a good story."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"You left out some parts though."

"Really?"

"You left out the part about the other hero."

"You mean the vampire. Well you know me I've never been good at giving Angel his due. Some old habits die hard."

"That wasn't the hero I was talking about. In your story the Hero never died."

"Well you know they are kids don't want to make it to grim"

"You always cut yourself short. You were hero to the hero that day. The real story wouldn't have had a happy ending with out you." Xander sighed taking an awkward pause.

"Buff I was never a hero. I never wanted to be one. I was the guy with courtside seats to watch the action. That was enough for me. To watch the real heroes and champions clash. Now that was awesome." She shook her head and just hugged him.

"You are my hero and you are so much more then what you try to claim to be. I'm the slayer though. I know things and I can spot a load of crap. So this courtside seats stuff. Sorry but it's not true. You are a champion." Xander put his hands up and laughed.

"Okay well then it's time for the heroes and champions to get some rest. For we know not what battle the next day bring."


	9. Awake 8

As the sun came up the barn was filled with morning light. Buffy had Carters foot in her face and Little B's head resting in her armpit. She woke up a little surprised to see how she was sleeping. She gently moved Carter and Little B off of her. She whispered to herself as she crawled out of the tent. "Well that was strangest night sleep I ever" She stopped as she saw the tiny tent.

Xander's feet hung out the end of the tent. She just shook her head and laughed. She couldn't resist the opportunity. She went to his toes and started tickling them. He sprang up so fast that he knocked out the tent support. Buffy continued with the tickling knowing he had no route of escape now.

"Stop it. Stop it. That's not funny." Carter and Little B's head shot out of the tent wondering what was going on. Buffy smiled.

"Don't just sit there. Come get him." They laughed and ran grabbing what ever they could that would be ticklish.

"Stop please. You win. Stop it. Stop it." He laughed hysterically unable to stop. Buffy smiled and stopped.

"Okay I think he has had enough." Buffy held open the tent so he could get out. He quickly slid out and looked at her.

"You are evil."

"Hey they were doing it too."

Xander looked at the kids. "Easily corruptible under the right influence."

Just then they heard someone clearing their throat. They looked up to find Willow standing in the doorway. She smiled at them. "Children breakfast is just about done. You should get in there and eat. By children I mean all four of you."

Buffy stuck out her tongue then stood ready to lead the way. "Well campers I think it's time we get our grub on."

Xander stood up dusting himself off. "I'll be in shortly." He went to the small tent starting to fix it. Willow came over standing behind him.

"Couldn't keep the tent up?"

"Buffy's fault not mine."

"There was a time that Buffy could have kept your tent up all night."

Xander shook his head. "Never gets old."

As Buffy and the kids came in Dawn was cooking on the stove flipping pancakes and frying bacon.

Little B ran to the table. "I want chocolate chips in my pancakes."

Carter echoed his sister. "Me too."

Dawn nodded and turned to them. "I want you guys to eat but then we got to get packed up. We have to get home you guys have school in the morning"

Little B looked heart broken. "But mom we just got here. I want to spend more time with Aunt Buffy."

Eric stood in the doorway supporting Dawn, "I know you don't want to leave but I promise we'll come back real soon."

Dawn then looked at her sister. "And maybe she'll come to visit us real soon."

Buffy nodded and smiled. "I think that's a wonderful idea. How about next weekend I come and visit you."

Carter smiled at her. "You'd do that?"

"Just try and keep me away kiddo." The kids smiled happily as Dawn sat down the plates in front of her children. Buffy made a face wondering where her plate was.

Dawn quickly answered Buffy's look. "What? They are my kids it's my job to feed them. You can serve yourself. It should be enough that I made you breakfast."

Buffy got up grabbing a plate and started dishing up some breakfast. A minute later Xander walked in to the door. "I smell breakfast." He walked over to Dawn and wrapped his arms around her in a hug and kissed the top of her head. "I tell ya Dawnie if Eric hadn't snatched ya up."

Dawn laughed and smiled at him. "Well to late for me but there is one Summer's sister." Xander looked Buffy up and down playfully.

"I don't know. You got anything beside the floor model." Dawn pitched the idea like she was selling a car.

"OH come on she's fully loaded with all the accessories. Still has that new out of the box smell. If you act now we'll throw in free shipping and handling."

Buffy turned around glaring at her sister. "Will you stop pimping me out?" Xander sat down with his breakfast suppressing his laugh. As Dawn shrugged. "To bad I think I would have had a sale." As Willow and Faith came in they sat down eating. They knew this would most likely be the last meal they all have together for a while. It was great to see and reconnect with Buffy but real life called and they had to get back to work and jobs.

Dawn and her family were the first to hit the road. Buffy promised them she would book tickets on a flight and come to see the kids the next weekend. She gave her niece and nephew one final squeeze and like that they were out the door.

2 hours later Xander was loading up Faith and Willows bags in the back of his jeep. He was going to drop them at the airport. Willow looked at Buffy.

Faith nodded and smirked "It's nice to have you back in the land of the living. Coma Buffy not nearly as much fun."

Buffy looked to her. "Well I'm awake now and I think we are going to have to make up for lost time cause one weekend catching up with my best friends isn't enough."

Willow nodded "Agreed. I promise I'll call soon and we can work out schedules." She hugged her one last time and then walked out the front door.

Faith stood in the door way smiling. "So you are going to all alone in this big house with the X man."

"I know where this is going Faith and get your mind out of the gutter." Faith laughed and pulled Buffy in to a hug. She whispered in Buffy's ear.

"Trust me as someone who's been there. Saddle that boy up and take him for a ride he won't disappoint you." Buffy's jaw dropped and pushed Faith away a little shocked.

"You are terrible."

"Yeah yeah." She smiled at Buffy sincerely. "It is good to have you back." And with that she walked out the front door getting in the back seat as Xander drove them away. Buffy started the dishes and smiled. She truly felt lucky to have the family she did. While she would always miss Giles she was in no short supply of people who loved and cared about her.

She put the dishes away and sat in the quiet of the house. There were people who cared for her. There were people who would always be there for her. People like Xander Harris. She sighed as that thought entered her head. The problem was though Xander was leaving. She told him that she wanted him to go out and make his mark on the world.

The problem with being noble was sometimes it meant giving up something that meant everything to you. She was starting to regret that nobility but she couldn't go back on it now. Could she? Would it be wrong or selfish to ask him to stay? He had already given so much.

On the way home Xander was having his own thoughts. Despite what Buffy said Dawn was right. If he wanted to stay here he needed to fight for it. He needed to tell Buffy what he felt. Standing up to Buffy wasn't his strong area though.

As he pulled in to the drive way he turned off the car and walked in to the house. Buffy was standing by the fireplace looking at an old picture on the mantle. The picture was from years ago. Dawn had snapped a picture of Giles, Buffy, Willow and Himself after a late night research session. Xander stepped behind her looking at the picture.

"Reminiscing on old times?"

Buffy put the picture back on the mantel and turned around. "Despite of all the dark heavy stuff we had to face. We really did have it good."

"I know what you mean. The battles were epic and we all had our share of losses but ask me to think back on our time there and I think."

"School Library"

"The Bronze"

"Crashing in front of the tv watching a badly dubbed movie after a late night patrol"

"Exactly. You don't hold on to the bad stuff.' He picked up the picture for a second talking to himself. "Sunnydale was hell but still it was the best years of my life."

"And now it's over how depressing is that?"

"I don't think it was Sunnydale per say. It's the people in your life. The connections you make. I know this isn't Sunnydale Buffy but I think you can make some good memories here."

"I hope you are right."

"I know I am."

"Xander I've been thinking about." She paced not sure if she had the right words. She wanted to ask him if he would consider staying but was nervous. She had her back to him facing the fireplace as she rung her hands together trying to find a way. "I've been thinking."

"Been thinking?" She sighed closing her eyes.

"I've been thinking about." She turned around to face him. "Spike."

"You've been thinking about Spike?" Buffy stood there her eyes as wide as donuts seeing the vampire standing in the doorway. Xander turned looking at Buffy's line of sight. Standing in the door was the blonde British vampire. It had been years since anyone had seen him but here he was looking the same. Xander let out a deflated sigh.

"Welcome back Spike."


	10. Awake 9

Xander looked at Spike standing in the doorway. There was an awkward silence between the three of them. Spike finally broke it looking at Xander.

"Harris." Xander just nodded at him.

"Spike."

Buffy cracked a smile. "Don't everyone talk at once."

Xander let go of a breath. He felt like he was the odd man out. "Buffy I still have to clean up the barn from last night with the kids."

Buffy just nodded at him knowing this was an excuse for him to step out. Spike stepped to the table sitting down. "So I was passing through Vermont when I was touching base with a slayer. Nice girl I used as a contact to pass messages and such."

"Vermont?"

"You'd like it. Maple syrup country. Anyways I am talking with her and she told me that Buffy The Chosen one has awakened. I didn't believe her so I checked with another resource. He was a watcher in the council I've played cards with. So I called him up and he told me the same thing." Spike started ringing his hands together. "Even after he told me though I was so afraid of getting my hopes up. I wouldn't allow myself to believe it. Not till."

"Till?"

"Till just now. I walked in and I saw you and I knew it was real. I knew that you were back and." He stood up and closed his eyes smiling. "I've lived countless lifetimes and in all that time nothing felt like it did just now. Seeing you standing there is the happiest I've ever been." Buffy cleared her throat and reached out taking his hand.

"The last time I saw you your hand was on fire and you were closing the hellmouth."

"I meant to find you after coming back at Wolfram and Hart. I wanted to. I wish I could have been there to protect you from what happened in Cleveland."

"Spike you were fighting your own battles. I'm proud of you for that."

"I came as soon as I heard you were."

"Xander told me you were here. He said you lived here for a while." Spike nodded. Buffy laughed, "It's strange to think of you Xander and Angel all living under the same roof. I don't know how it is you didn't kill each other"

Spike smiled looking down for a second and then looked at Buffy's eyes. "We all had something to rally around. We had something that united us. Even in a coma Buffy you could pull us together for a common good."

She laughed and shook her head. "Would have like to seen that. The three of you under the same roof is like the odd couple undead. Well 2/3rds undead."

"A lot of time has passed. You look."

"Old I know."

"I was going to say beautiful."

Buffy couldn't help but blush. She shook her head "Beautiful or not, this world is so different from the way I left it. I don't even know if I have a place in it anymore."

"Maybe part of your problem is trying to fit in to this new world."

"I don't think the old one is available for me anymore."

"Maybe not all of it. Parts of it could be though."

"What parts?"

"Well no reason you can't jump right back in to the vampire slaying. You got the world's best tag team partner by your side. Time for Batman and Robin to saddle up and give the undead a little something to fear."

"In this scenario which one of us is Robin?"

Spike laughed and shook his head. "And if I recall you fit quite nicely in to my world. I remember you asking if there were drinks in my world."

"Followed by a horrible hang over the next morning."

"In my world the drinks never have to stop."

Buffy smiled not sure what to think. "Spike falling back in to that would be easy but the world has changed shouldn't I change with it?"

"You don't have to decide right now. Just give me one night. It's not The Bronze but there is a club about half an hour from here. We grab some drinks some dancing. We go out and we search for fun until we find it." Buffy sighted and looked at her watch,

"Spike it's late and."

"And what? You have to sleep? You have had enough sleep. Time to make up for lost time." Buffy laughed about to say no but stopped.

"I guess one night couldn't be bad."

"That's what I'm talking about." Buffy stood up turning around.

"Give me half an hour to get ready."

"Waited this long what's another half hour."

Xander was out in the barn sanding a piece of wood. He was angry and frustrated. When Buffy was in a coma and he was having a bad day he would come out and work on his latest piece. Some habits died hard.

He was ready to talk to Buffy. He was going to tell her the truth how he felt and once again fate stopped him. Fate in the form of an annoying blonde British bloodsucker. A part of him wondered how much blame he could put on Spike. His own cowardice had him put off talking to Buffy for as long as he had.

In his mind though the contest was over. Spike and Buffy had a history. When Spike walked in to the house he could see the change in her eyes. From this point on Spike would be the one who mattered.

Maybe leaving would be the best thing after all. He was strong but he didn't know if he was strong enough to watch Spike and Buffy round 2. Then that raised the question he asked days ago. If he wasn't here for Buffy, what was his new purpose in life?

45 minutes later he decided he had enough. He walked out of the barn just in time to see Spike starting his motorcycle and Buffy dressed in one of her new outfits. She hopped on the back of the bike with Spike and like that she was gone. Not even a good bye. It was starting.

They arrived at a dance club with loud music and big drinks. Buffy walked in behind Spike. She had to admit it felt good. It felt familiar. Spike turned to her. "Find us a table I will get us some drinks."

The club was packed with people wall to wall. Some were there for the music, others liked booze, others just hoping to meet the right person and get lucky Buffy found a table open in the corner and Spike showed up with a bottle tequila, whiskey and rum. Buffy's looked a little surprised.

"I was thinking you were coming back with a shot or two. Not half the bar."

"Bartender was busy flirting with some guy at the end of the bar. I saw the opportunity and went for it." Buffy shook her head.

"Spike you stole these."

"Oh come on. I am the big bad. It's not a big deal. So I nicked a few bottles they won't even miss them." Spike pulled out two shot glasses putting them in front of the bottle.

"Choose your sword." Buffy picked up a shot glass and poured herself a shot from Tequila. Spike grinned pouring a whiskey. "That a girl." He raised his shot to Buffy.

"What are we drinking to Spike?"

"Here's to finding our way back to the past we all knew and loved. May these bottles be time machines." With that they clinked there shot glasses together and tossed back the shot.

Buffy swallowed the shot and closed her eyes followed by her trademark "Blech." Spike just laughed pouring them each another shot.

"There is the girl I remembered." He handed her the next shot and they pounded that back. Then another shot and another shot after that. Buffy looked at the dance floor.

She stood up with a slight sway and gate to her step. "I say we get our grove on." Spike stowed the bottles under the seat and took Buffy's hand.

"Show me some of the those moves Buffy." The rest of the night was a blinding fury of booze and dancing and music. It was the most alive Buffy had felt since she woke up.

They were the people at the club everyone wanted to be. The way they moved and carried themselves. There was something sexy and fun about them. At 4 am the club was closing and both of them were wasted out of their mind.

"Better get moving love. If you pass out of the street then it's a ticket. If I pass out on the street then the suns going to take care of me." Buffy laughed.

"Try some sun block pasty." Spike jumped on the back of his bike almost falling off. Buffy grabbed hopping on the back. "Don't get in an accident. If I end up in another coma at this rate I'll wake up in my fifties."

Spike's riding on the bike was touch and go. He definitely was too drunk but managed to get them both home with only a few near misses. As they stumbled in the front door Buffy whispered to Spike. "Shhhhhh we can't be loud Xander is sleeping." Spike laughed. In her head it was a whisper but she was loud enough to let the next county hear her.

"Right don't want to wake up droopy." Truth was Xander never went to sleep. He watched them as they pulled up from the window outside. He stood by the door listening. When Buffy took off he was worried. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep till she was home and safe. She wasn't in a coma but he was still looking out for her. Which made what happened next all the much harder.

"Spike you know I've been asleep for a long long time. I haven't seen any action in 12 years " He looked her up and down the way a hungry wolf looked at a sheep.

"Well maybe it's time we make up for some lost time." They were like animals Spike and Buffy were going at it in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Xander could hear every pant and moan. Every scream or command was like a nail on a chalkboard to him. He wasn't strong enough for this so he had made his choice. By the end of the week he would do something he didn't think he ever could. He was going to be leaving Buffy Summers to stand on her own.


	11. Awake 10

Xander paced the kitchen talking on his cell phone. "I appreciate the offer. I'm not saying no to the council at this juncture but I am saying I don't know what is next for my life and I want to weigh all my options." As the phone call ended Xander crossed the room to the table and picked up a yellow notebook.

The notebook had in big letters "What I want to do next?" On each line was one of Xander's options or choices. Some of the choices were obvious. He could always go back to working construction or maybe even go to college. Then there were things that were more like dreams open a store selling my home made furniture.

As he ended the phone call he had another option to write on the list. He quickly scribbled down. "Join The Watchers Council" As he wrote it down he heard movement upstairs. He looked at the clock and saw it was 4 pm.

The last week Spike and Buffy had gone out every night. Some nights they would go out looking for vampires or demons to kill. Even on those nights they ended up celebrating at the bar in a fury of booze and sweat.

Most nights they'd wander in just before sunrise and screw till one of them passed out. Then when they woke up it was like a giant reset button. Start the whole cycle over for the day.

In the last 5 days Xander had only seen Buffy 3 times. Rather then get wrapped up in the pain and worry that he felt towards her he turned his focus to leaving. He called anyone he knew with any connection and seen if there was a position available.

One thing Buffy was right about was he did have options and possibilities. He started picking up around the house throwing the empty beer bottles in the trash. He heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Spike coming down in his black leather pants and no shirt. The weather made today vampire friendly.

Spike saw Xander cleaning and wanted to talk with him. "Xander you got a minute."

"Actually Spike I kind of have to get some stuff done. I'm just picking up and then. "

"Oh come on Harris. I've been here a week. Trust me I don't want to talk to you either but you think we can dance around this awkward silence forever."

"No just hoping."

"Just listen all right." Xander dropped the beer bottles in to trash can and turned back to him.

"What do you want Spike?"

"I know you and I haven't always gotten along but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate and respect what you've done."

"Is that it Spike?"

"No." He looked at him. "I can tell why you are mad. What this is really all about?"

"Right cause with your vampire super powers you know everything."

"You are pissed off cause you were thinking that with everyone gone maybe it would be your turn. Maybe you could finally be the one who Buffy loves. Then I show up and I throw a monkey wrench in to your happy ending."

"You are such an incredible ass Spike."

"Oh come off it. You think I'm stupid. You think I couldn't read the look in your eyes the moment I walked in. It is obvious." Xander turned his back to walk away.

"I'm not doing this. Buffy may choose to put up with you but that doesn't mean I have to." He started to walk away but Spike put his hand on his shoulder stopping him.

"You are staying and we are going to talk this out. We owe this to her." Xander turned his head not liking the intrusive hand on his shoulder.

"Get your hands off me right NOW." Spike glared at him.

"What you going to do if I don't?" All the rage that had been building in him for the last week had come to a hilt and he had enough. He spun around punching Spike with everything he had connecting square in his jaw. Spike was knocked back a step or two.

He had a look of shock and surprise on his face. "So this is how you want to do it?" Spike put his fist up ready to fight. "Okay but just remember you chose this. No crying to your little Scooby friends about me handing you your ass. With that he delivered a punch to Xander sending him against the wall.

Xander touched his nose and felt the first trickle of blood. With that it was on. He flew at Spike in a rage of anger. Spike came back at him in what could only be described as a good old-fashioned school yard fight.

Xander grabbed one of the empty glasses from the table and smashed it against Spikes head and Spike charged at Xander spearing him through the screen door with both of them crashing on the front lawn.

The days rain didn't do much for softening the ground. As they fell vampire or not it hurt.. The clothes they were wearing were most likely ruined with all the mud they were now wearing.

Spike held his side in the grass and Xander felt his knee pop out of place. The two laid in pain and exhaustion to tired to move. The rain just kept pouring down on both of them.

"Harris why are you so bloody stubborn?" Xander groaned in pain.

"It's not about me Spike."

"Then you tell me. What is it about?"

Xander pulled himself up to a sitting position holding his knee groaning as he quickly popped it back in his socket. "It's about what is best for Buffy."

Spike pulled himself up against the house leaning. "And you are what's best for Buffy?"

"No. I'm not. I said this isn't about me. It's about."

"About?" Xander sighed saying the thing that he knew Spike wouldn't want to hear. It would be painful and mean but it was the truth.

"Buffy can't move forward in her life if she is trying to find the past."

"I am trying to make her feel like she belongs. Like the world still has a place for her."

Xander believed Spike's motives but didn't agree with them. "I want the best for Buffy. I want her to have all the things she deserves. She's at a place now Spike where she doesn't have to slay or be in danger every day of her life. So when she woke up I hoped she would find something that would make her happy. Something that isn't consumed in darkness."

"She's the slayer Xander that darkness is part of who she is. It's not something she can walk away from."

"Do you really believe that Spike? You think if Buffy never slayed another vampire she'd feel out of place. Do you really think so little of her that you can say she could never adjust to the world with out that darkness?"

Spike opened his mouth ready to object but he had to admit he wondered now. Long time ago he told Riley that a girl like Buffy needs the darkness. She craves it. Maybe that was just his way of justifying what he wanted. He shook his head and looked at Xander "I don't know."

"Just think about what is right for her." With that he turned walking to the barn.

"Xander wait" He ran catching up to him "How come you never told Buffy about." He cleared his throat trying to find the right way tot say it. "You never told Buffy about me wanting to sire her."

"Should I have?"

"It would have changed things. I mean she'd have been pissed and probably sent me packing the first night."

"She might have."

"So?"

"So what?"

"So are you going to tell her?"

"No Spike. Your secret is safe with me. You have my word."

Spike shook his head feeling conflicted. A part of him was relieved and a part of him was angry. For as powerful and strong as he might have been he always lived in the dark. He was the Big Bad and Xander was the white Knight. Even now he wouldn't lower himself to stoop to sleazy tactics to win the day.

"Always have to be the Good Guy don't you Harris" Xander looked at him confused.

"What the hell do you want from me?" Spike sighed shaking his head realizing this was about him and not Xander.

"Hell if I know." He sighed and just walked away.

Spike limped back in to the house slightly hurt. The nice thing about vampire healing was in a couple hours his broken ribs would be good as new. He limped to the washer and dryer pulling out a clean change of clothes.

As much as he hated Xander he couldn't question his ability to always do the right thing. He could be counted on for it. It was a dependability he wished for himself at times. Buffy came down the steps a few minutes later. She was wearing an oversized bathrobe. She yawned and covered her mouth.

"God I need coffee" She looked at Spike seeing the mud. "Mud Demon?"

He didn't want to give the whole story. "Went outside for a smoke and slipped." She could tell something was off with him.

"Everything okay. You seem quiet?"

"Just tired I guess." Buffy smiled seeing the coffee Xander made and poured a cup. She sat across from Spike ready to discuss the battle plan for tonight.

"So I say we check out the cemetery a town over. I figure it's close to the city and more likely to have a vamp or two." She rolled her eyes "Not like that one last night. God 4 hours patrolling for nothing."

"Well it's not Sunnydale."

"Most certainly not."

He looked at Buffy and wondered. "Less vampires in the world. I thought you would be for that."

Buffy sat down at the table across from Spike. She sipped her coffee. "Well less is good and all but I want just enough to keep me busy." She smiled at him flirting "And maybe a particular vampire I like to keep around for extra curricular activities."

He couldn't help but smile at her. "Okay we will find some big nasties tonight I promise."

Suddenly Buffy's phone rang out and she picked it up still struggling a little but managed to answer it by the 3rd ring. "Hello."

"Hey Buffy." Buffy knew the voice of her sister well enough she didn't have to ask who it was.

"Dawnie"

"The kids have been asking about you all week. I've never seen them this excited."

"Excited?"

"You are still coming right. You told them before we left you would come visit this weekend."

"Sure I'll be there."

"I'm sure if you asked him Xander would be willing to drive. The kids would love to see both of you."

"Yeah Dawn I'll talk to him about it."

"Great. Well I'll get the rooms ready. I love you Buffy."

"Love you to Dawn." She hung up the phone and tossed aside both the phone and conversation. Spike piped in questioning.

"Little sister."

"Yep. She wants me to come visit for the weekend."

"Should be fun." Buffy sipped the coffee and shrugged.

"Sure. I guess."

"Well don't sound too enthused."

"Dawn will be there but for now I want to focus on some undead fun."

"Well I'm going to change and get a shower. We can talk battle plan in a bit."

In the barn Xander was cleaning up. Most of the mud ended up on his clothes and he had a change in the barn.

His phone could be heard ringing in the muddy pants pocket. He picked them up gingerly trying to avoid getting any of the mud on his clean clothes. He fished the phone out and answered on the last ring.

"Hello." Willow's all to familiar voice answered the other side of the phone.

"Hey I got your message you wanted to talk to me."

Xander let go of a long deep breath. "So as you know I have this huge question mark about my future. I don't know what comes next."

"You didn't talk to Buffy about staying?"

"In theory it was a good idea but."

"But?"

"Spike showed up. Just like that the contest is over."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be. Maybe if you told her."

"Willow stop. I didn't call for advice I need a favor."

"Anything."

"Well I'm in this place where I need to figure out what is next and I'm kind of needing a place to crash till I figure."

"Looking for a place to crash?"

"Pretty much the long and short of it."

"Of course you can stay. As long as you need."

"You are the best Will."

"So do you have any ideas on what it is you want to do next?"

"To be honest I'm kind of clueless. I guess I have options."

"What's the problem?"

"I'm not really passionate about any of them. I could do them and I probably would be good but it's nothing that excites me."

"What does excite you?"

"I don't know." He sighed looking to change the subject. "So I will probably arrive at your place Monday."

"Wow that soon?"

"I figure why waste time."

"I'll have the guest room ready."

"You are the best." With that he hung up the phone. He walked to the barn door standing inside to avoid the rain. One question kept going through his head. He told Willow he didn't' know what he was passionate about. That was a bit of a lie.

There was one thing he was passionate about. It was the same thing he had always been passionate about. It had been 20 years and nothing had changed. It would never change. The only problem was Buffy would never want him.


	12. Awake 11

Xander had booked his flight to Manchester and was leaving Sunday evening. He packed up his clothes and keepsakes to take with him. He had hired some movers to put his tools and bigger items in storage until he decided what he wanted to do with them. Which only left one thing left to do. He grabbed his bag and airline ticket passport and flight information.

He stood at the bottom of the steps only having one thing left to do. He was leaving and wanted to tell Buffy good bye. It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon and Buffy was still sleeping. He didn't expect a big grand send off but couldn't leave with out telling her good bye. He put his bag down and walked up to her bedroom.

He stood in front of her door for a second or two and finally knocked. On the other side of the door a sleepy slayer could be heard angry grumbling.

"What do you want?"

"I uhm. Buffy I just wanted to tell you good bye." Half asleep she rolled over and looked at the door.

"Yeah Good bye Xander. I'll see you later." She didn't understand there wouldn't be a later. Even Spike knew what she was doing. As he laid next to her he whispered.

"Love you might want to get up for this he's" She rolled over and just like that was back to sleep. Spike jumped out of the bed and pulled his pants on. He walked to the door and opened it a crack standing out of the light.

"Xander give me a few minutes I'll get her up so you two can do this right." Xander shook his head not wanting to fight for something that didn't want him. The last thing he wanted was a forced good bye.

"Just take care of her Spike. Protect her and keep her safe."

"Xander I'm begging you. Give me five minutes." Xander laughed and shook his head.

"I have a flight to catch." Spike knew Buffy was going to hate herself for this.

"Travel safe mate."

"Thanks." With that he picked up his duffle bag and headed out the door. He threw his bag in the back of his jeep and gave the house one last look. He knew he was going to miss it. He called it home longer then anywhere else he'd ever been.

He jumped in the jeep and started on the long trek to the airport. Spike had gotten back in bed with Buffy as her phone rang out once again. Buffy angry grabbed for the phone.

"Why won't people just let me sleep." She squinted reading the screen. It was Dawn again. She pushed the button sending it to voice mail. Dawn had been calling non stop trying to get a hold of her sister and Buffy had been sending her in to voice mail. She laid her head back on the pillow and like that was out.

Spike laid in bed watching her. He couldn't help but think the path Buffy was taking wasn't healthy. He loved her and wanted her happy. He looked at Buffy just watching her sleep.

Dawn hung up the phone angry. Little Buffy ran up to her mom.

"How come she didn't come? She promised she was going to come."

"Sweetie I don't know." Dawn wasn't going to lie to her children not even for her sister.

"Was it something we did?" Dawn knelt down and hugged her daughter.

"Of course not." She sighed "We will have her over another weekend I promise." The little girl was obviously sad and slightly crushed she didn't get to see her aunt. She turned around left trying to be strong. Dawn just shook her head looking to Eric.

"She's my sister but I could kill her." Eric sighed rubbing the back of his head.

"She's been through a lot."

"Don't make excuses for her. I've talked to Xander and I don't like what she's doing."

"What are you going to do?"

"I have work tomorrow I can't take off and what I have to say shouldn't be done over the phone."

"That's good cause you should probably give yourself a few days to calm down. Take the emotion out of the situation and convey your thoughts clear and concise"

"And if that doesn't work I'll hit her in the back of the head with a brick." Eric laughed but stopped seeing the look on his wife's face.

"Well that will give me a few days to hide all the loose bricks."

That evening Spike and Buffy ran in to a small trio of weak non-threatening vampires. Spike held one down punching him while Buffy threw a stake with perfect aim through the other ones heart. Spike looked at Buffy making sure she could handle the other one. He was holding the other one down just playing with him before staking.

"Slayer you got the other one."

"Please he's no threat." He kept punching.

"So Buffy how long you think you can do this?"

"Well we got a couple hours then we can go find the bar." Spike shook his head and staked the vampire standing up.

"Not what I was talking about." Buffy offered a roundhouse kick to the third vampire. He stumble backward almost falling but Spike caught him holding him up. Spike took the stake and killed him with little to no struggle. Buffy made a face disappointed in the vampires.

"You don't find quality vampires anymore. It's like they'll sire anyone."

"I wanted to talk to you about this slayer gig." Buffy picked up her stake.

"What about it?"

"Well it's just. There are plenty of active slayers. You know that you don't have to do this anymore." Buffy's brow furrowed at him not liking where he was going.

"I know I don't have to do this. I want to do it."

"So how long? I mean you aren't going to be in a walker and out here doing patrol."

"What the hell is this Spike?"

"It's concern is all." She pushed past him and walked deeper in to the graveyard. She didn't like where it was going.

"Well save your concern. I am just as good today as I was years ago." Spike followed after her talking to the back of her head.

"Fine but age will catch up to you some day and the truth is even if it doesn't the longer you play this game the more likely you are." She kept walking picking up her pace not wanting to hear what he had to say.

"Vampires to kill Spike. Let's find them and save the chit chat."

"It's like all those years ago. Remember I told you that some day somewhere all it takes is that one vampire. It doesn't have to be an apocalypse bringing hell god. All it takes is one vamp to find you on an off day. A day you aren't fast enough or strong enough or." She spun around hearing enough.

"Spike STOP." He stood there quietly looking at the ground.

"Sometimes you need to hear the bitter truth even if it's a hard pill to swallow." Buffy shook her head confused.

"What the hell has gotten in to you? What is this about? What is this really about?"

"Evolution Buffy?"

"What?" Spike took a minute wanting to be clear with his thoughts before saying them.

"You know who I was 100 years ago?" He lit a cigarette and took a slow deep drag. "I was a dark vampire who kept to the shadows."

"Your point being?"

"You know who I am today. I'm a dark vampire who sticks to the shadows."

"Spike."

"No I need to finish this. Buffy I have made some changes. I have a soul and now I fight the good fight but there is a leveling off I have hit. There is only so far I can go."

"And I'm okay with that. Even if you are at your peak it's a peak I can deal with."

"The thing about evolution Buffy. You can't move forward by pacing yourself with someone unable to move forward."

"Now we've come to the big conclusion. What this is really about. I didn't ask you to come back. Now that you are back you do the thing you are good at. YOU LEAVE."

"Buffy stop. "

"No I get it now. Come back for a week or two bang the slayer and hit the road."

"That's not what this is and you know it."

"You are good at leaving. That is what you do. That's what all of you do."

"I'm not leaving I."

"Then what Spike?"

"Buffy I've been thinking about why you have invited me back so openly. It occurred to me. You are afraid of change."

"I'm not afraid of anything Spike."

"Yes you are. So when I came in just as you remembered you saw a chance to grasp the past. It's like I said I don't change and you loved that."

"You are wrong?"

"You see everyone and all the changes they made in there life. You think you don't have a place. This isn't the world you know so you cling to whatever piece of the past you do know because that's what you know. That's what's comfortable and that is what's easy."

"I don't have to listen to this." Spike flicked the cigarette away and paced needing to think. Xander's words echoed in his head. He knew what he would have to do but didn't know if he had the strength.

"I want what is best for you."

"Why don't I get to judge what is best for me."

"It's human nature to do what is easy. People fight change Buffy. As long as you stay with me you won't move forward."

"Stop it." Spike closed his eyes and knew he had to do it. It would drive a wedge between them but if he wanted to be the man he hoped he was he needed to do it.

"I was going to sire you?"

"What?"

"I would have too." He stepped to her locking eyes with her so she knew how serious he was. "The first year in I came to Xander and Angel and told them I was going to sire you."

"Why are you telling me this?'

"If it had been just Xander I would have done it. I mean he wouldn't have been able to stop me but of course namby pamby Angel had to step up."

"You wanted to turn me? In to the thing I hated most?"

"Buffy I" He went to touch her shoulder."

"Don't touch me." She stepped back angry. "I want you gone." Spike felt his heart break but knew sometimes doing the right thing meant giving up what you wanted most.

"I'll be gone by Sunrise." He turned walked away. Buffy kept her eyes on him until he was gone. Once he was gone she fell to the ground sobbing. Now Buffy Summers knew what it was to truly be alone.


	13. Awake 12

True to his word Spike was gone before Buffy returned home. Buffy wasn't in the mood for dancing or drinking. It was the first time she came directly home after a patrol in weeks. She felt like her world was collapsing. She wiped her eyes and walked to Xander's bedroom.

When the world came crashing down on her it was Xander who could pick her up. He was always there to hold her up. It was what he did. He was her own personal support post.

She knocked on his door tiny sobs in between. "Xander I know it's late I'm sorry for waking you but." When she got no response she opened the door a crack "Xander?' She stuck her head in to find his bed was still neatly made. She stepped in the room looking around. She turned the lights on. "Where the hell are you?"

She laid down on his bed figuring when he returned home she could talk to him then. She pulled the sheets close to her face and closed her eyes drifting off to sleep. She couldn't help but think of Xander as his scent colored the sheets.

The movers had showed up at 10 o'clock in the morning to pack up the tools and furniture. They started in the barn and boxed everything according to Xander's specifications. The movers weren't noisy but loud enough to wake Buffy up.

She stood up stretched and looked out the window seeing the strangers moving Xander's things out of the barn. She didn't know what was happening but hell if she was going to let Xander get robbed right under her nose. She quickly darted down the steps and out the door running to the movers.

"What the hell are you doing?" She got in a fighting stance ready to kick ass. One of the men in blue coveralls came to Buffy with a clipboard. By the looks of it the man was in his mid twenties and had a confused look to his face.

"We have a work order for the job here." Buffy looked at the truck for the first time seeing AAA movers in big black letters.

"You guys are movers?'

"I take it you aren't Xander Harris?" Buffy looked confused.

"This isn't like him. I mean he's not. I mean I knew we talked about it but." She stepped back for a second and it started to fall in to place. She had been so consumed by Spike and slaying and partying she didn't even notice it had been over a week since she had talked to him.

The foreman looked at Buffy with sympathy but did have work to do. "Miss we do have orders to finish here and then grab some furniture from the bedroom."

"But he wouldn't leave with out saying good bye. I mean he is." She shook her head. "He is always here. Always standing by my side."

"Miss I'm sorry but."

She shook her head confused. "This furniture, what is the address you are moving it to?"

"I'm not at liberty to say I." Buffy rolled her eyes at the typical answer. She snatched the clipboard out of his hands and scanned for the available address.

She looked at it frustrated. "It's a storage locker?" She handed the clipboard back to the mover. "Well did he give you a forwarding address? Some where to bill?"

"He paid in cash." He sighed and could see the pain in her eyes. "I'm truly sorry." With that he looked at his crew and nodded as they went back to work packing. Buffy ran inside to the house looking for her phone. She pulled it out of her pocket and tried to make a call but the battery was dead. She still hadn't learned the complete ins and out on how to use the phone. Even the basic operation of how to charge it was beyond her.

"STUPID PHONE. I HATE YOU." She paced back and fourth angry talking to herself. "How could he leave with out so much as a good bye? I mean it's your awake now and I don't have to be here so of course he bails. It's the story of my life. Just another man bailing on me." She punched the fridge angry knocking a hole clear through it.

Angry she threw a temper tantrum and pushed the fridge over knocking it to the ground in a rage. She grabbed the table tossing it on its side and kicked the chairs making them little more then splinters. After 20 minutes of raw destruction and rage on the kitchen she sat against a broken cabinet trying to find some way to deal with her pain.

Xander leaving hurt more then anyone else. It was selfish and wrong of him she thought. More then half her life he had been the stable one. He had been the one she could count on. When Spike and Angel left it wasn't a huge shock to her. Xander had built himself up though as the dependable one. So with him gone it felt like she was facing the ultimate betrayal.

She wasn't sure what was next. When the shit hit the fan she was used to running to Xander but now that he wasn't there who did she have. What did she have?

Her answer rolled by her in the form of a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. It rolled out of the freezer and sat there practically calling to her. She closed her eyes and pulled off the top and took a deep long drink.

This was far from the solution to her answer but it would at least numb the pain. She drank it down and gulped it as the cold numbed her throat. The bottle was gone with in half an hour and she passed out lying on kitchen floor.

The movers kept working but chose to go through the front door avoiding the emotional turmoil that was Buffy Summers. With in 3 hours Xander's room was completely empty and any sign he was there removed.

Buffy laid there passed on out on the floor for hours. The emotional kick in the ass that Spike and Xander had left for her in the last 24 hours was enough to drive anyone off the deep end. As she got up still slightly buzzed she walked to the bathroom looking in the mirror.

The girl looking back she considered to be a shadow of her former self. She closed her eyes and wondered how the hell she got to this place. She hated feeling this way. She hated her friends for leaving her. She hated that the world had moved on. She hate that she felt like an obsolete tool from the past She was The Chosen One once but now she wasn't sure who she was.. So now she was alone. She let go of a deep breath. She sighed "Fine I don't' need them. I don't need anyone."

Across the pond Xander was looking out the window watching the rain. He sighed feeling a little depressed. It had rained every day since he had been there. Willow stepped in to the living room watching him for a second.

Finally she asked, "Whatcha thinking?"

He turned smiling at her. "Oh just wondering if the Sun ever shines here." He smiled stepping to her. "Okay so I figured I've been in Manchester a few days it's time to do something fun. We should go to one of those bars with the ridiculous names. Like the Fox and Whistle."

"First off they don't' have bars here. They are called Pubs. Second I have a meeting with the council. They are setting up a new checkpoint in some Midwest town in the States."

"What does that have to do with you?"

"They generally have been pairing a witch a watcher and a slayer all for the area. I have access to most of the worlds witches."

Xander sighed feeling a little depressed. "Yeah it's fine. I'll find something to do."

Changing the subject she stepped to him rubbing his shoulders. "Have you given any thought to what it is you want to do with your life?"

"I have options. I just."

"Just?"

"None of them feel right. I mean I could do them but I wouldn't really be passionate about them. You should have passion for what you do."

"What are you passionate for?"

""I don't know." Willow knew her friend better then that.

"Yes you do." She looked at him "It's alright to be homesick. I mean you could still go back."

"I know it will pass but I miss big greasy cheeseburgers and NFL games. I miss my big comfy recliner."

"You know they have cheeseburgers here. I'm pretty sure with satellite you can watch football anywhere in the world and if it's your recliner you want say the world and we'll ship it over."

He offered her a half smile at her solution. Yeah I guess you are right it's just."

"Just that it's not a what that you miss. It's a who." He didn't say anything. "You know you could go back."

"Right cause that's just what I want to go back and show that I have absolutely no self respect. Wow a life with no dignity what so ever, sign me right up."

Willow sighed and looked down. "Xander it's not about." But her phone rang out and interrupted her. She took the phone out and looked at him. "I have to take this but"

Xander smiled at her. "It's okay Willow take it." She stepped out of the room and Xander took his cell phone out. He scrolled through the numbers and stopped at the one marked Buffy. He held his thumb over the dial button. He wanted to push it but was apprehensive. He took a deep breath and moved his thumb to the menu button shutting the screen off and putting his phone back in to his pocket.

At home Dawn was packing her bag ready to hit the road. Buffy hadn't answered the phone in days. Being a teacher she didn't have the option to leave till the weekend. Eric just stood watching his wife in the doorway.

He sighed and asked. "You sure you are up for this."

Dawn zipped the bag shut and turned looking to her husband. "I'm sorry I have to leave you with the kids alone for the weekend. I promise you I'll make it up to you soon. You can do a mans weekend or something."

"Hey it's your sister. It's okay I get it. Have you given any thought to what you want to say?"

"Yes I have and I'm pretty sure she isn't going to like any of it."

"She's been through a lot."

Dawn picked up her bag and crossed the room to the doorway. "I know things have been hard and it's a lot to deal with. She is destroying herself and I care to much for her to let that happen. She didn't' wake up from a coma only to throw it all away."

Eric went to his wife and opened his arms to her hugging her and giving her a kiss. "Call me when you get there so I know you are safe."

She kissed him back and followed it with "I love you." She hugged her children and told them be good and listen to their father. She hit the road and started on her long trek. She had been rehearsing all week what it was she wanted to say to her sister and ready or not it was time.


	14. Awake 13

Dawn arrived at the farmhouse just after 10 o'clock in the morning. Xander hadn't been gone long but it was long enough to see that Buffy knew nothing about mowing. If Xander had been there he would had been pissed that the farm house he had taken care of for so long was starting to look the way it did.

Dawn made her way out of the car and stepped up the back steps and in to the back door. When she saw the kitchen in shambles it was a bit of a shock. The smell of rotted food from a disconnected fridge over powered the kitchen. Dawn covered her hand over her mouth and nose but stepped in over the rubble and debris. She watched each step careful.

The good news was the Kitchen was the only room that had been destroyed but the rest of the house was filthy. Dirty clothes were on the floor and empty bottles on the floor. Dawn had never seen this side to her sister. It scared her and she wondered if Buffy was to far gone.

As she walked deeper in to the house she saw Buffy passed out on the living room couch. The empty bottle on the floor only inches from a passed out slayer told the entire story. Dawn looked at Buffy and slowly reached for her checking her neck. She was taking her pulse wanting to make sure she was still alive.

Acting on pure instinct Buffy whipped around and grabbed Dawn's wrist in an instant. She wasn't sure what was going on. Didn't even realize it was Dawn at first. Dawn flinched a little in shock thinking she was passed out.

"I I I thought you were sleeping."

Buffy's eyes came in to focus and she realized what was going on. "Dawn?" She let go of her sister and pulled herself up to a sitting position. "What are you doing here?" Buffy's wrinkled clothes looked like they hadn't been washed in a few days. Her breath reeked of alcohol and hair was something out of the walking dead.

"We have to talk Buffy."

Buffy rubbed her eyes and yawned still barely awake. "What is it was have to talk about?" Buffy pulled herself up to a standing position and started looking for something.

"Well first off you lied to my children. You told them you were coming and then you never showed up."

"Yeah I'm sorry about that. It was a vampire thing and I couldn't get away."

"Couldn't call and tell me"

"It's funny actually my phone doesn't work anymore" She went to the tv and took the IPhone that had been sitting there the last few day.

Dawn pushed the button on the phone but true to her word the battery was dead. "Buffy you have a dead battery."

"Well they didn't give me a charger cord just this stupid." She pulled out the USB cable. "I figure that end goes in to the phone but that end doesn't look like anything I've ever seen."

Dawn was trying to keep it together and sighed. "This isn't about the phone. Your phone not working isn't the reason your kitchen smells like a landfill."

"You are my sister Dawn and I love you. But you need to back off."

"It is because I love you I'm not going to back off." Buffy turned around ignoring Dawn she picked up an empty Jameson bottle examining it. When she found it was empty she dropped it where she picked it up. "Buffy I know things have been hard."

Buffy continued her search picking up an empty bottle of Gin. She shook her dead dropping it. She laughed at Dawn's comment. "Things have been hard? That's' funny. Real funny. You have no idea what I am going through."

"So that gives you a right to act like a spoiled brat." Buffy continued looking and found what she was looking for a half full bottle of scotch.

"That's ironic you calling me the brat." She chuckled and started to loosen the lid. Dawn stepped to her and took the bottle way then tossed it to the ground shattering it.

"Damn it Buffy you are going to listen to what I have to say."

"STOP IT DAWN. Do you know how fucking hard this is. You tell me you want to help but you can't. You don't know what it is I've been through."

"Have you even tried talking to any of us?"

"What am I supposed to say. Oh hey Dawn I'm so happy you got to Marry Prince Charming and live in a castle with your two wonderful kids. I know I should call Faith and tell her how glad I am that she's running the council and everything has just turned out so perfect for her."

"That's what this is about. You are pissed because the world didn't stop for you. People moved on and bettered themselves and you feel like"

"Go ahead and say it." Buffy challenged her laughing but wouldn't give her the chance. "Everyone has done all these amazing things convents and councils and families and I'm the same loser I was."

"You were never a loser."

"Not always. I was great once. I was a damn champion who stood victorious at great battles." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "But now I'm joke."

"You aren't a joke. You are still the most amazing woman I know. You can still do great things. You can be great. The world might have moved on but that doesn't mean you can't move with it."

"Maybe Spike is right."

"Spike?"

"He told me that vampires aren't evolution friendly. They don't change. Maybe I'm like that. Maybe I'm not capable of change."

"Buffy you are capable of anything. Drowning your problems in booze and numbing yourself to feel nothing isn't the answer."

Buffy whipped around at her a little angry. "Is that from the 12 years experience that you spent in your coma?"

"Buffy stop."

"You come at me with all of this. You act like you have some kind of foothold on what it is I'm going through. YOU DON'T."

"Right no one can know?"

"Even Faith got to wake up after a few months. She doesn't know what it is to have this huge portion of your life ripped away from you. I lost so much time. Nothing you say or do changes that. You can't tell me you know what it is to lose 12 years. No one knows." With that she turned around. She felt she had won the argument and was ready to leave her with that thought in her head.

"That's not true. There is someone who knows. Xander knows what it is to lose 12 years." Buffy turned around facing her sister.

"It's not the same thing Dawn."

` "I'll be damned if I'm going to let you down play what he did. He gave up 12 years Buffy for you."

"Gave up 12 years? No he didn't. He was here and awake. He still had friends he could talk to. He still could read and keep up with current events." Now it was Dawn who was laughing.

"My God you are so blind. You think because he was awake while you were sleeping that some how makes it better or easier? He had to face a reality on a daily basis that I wasn't strong enough to handle. Every day watching and worrying about someone he loved wondering if she'd ever come back. The pain he must have felt. He felt everything Buffy he didn't get to sleep through that."

Dawn's words stung Buffy a little. She knew Dawn was right. "Xander is"

"Stop Buffy. I want to tell you something. You say 12 years you lost. Have you actually thought about what if you never woke up?"

"Wow cause you aren't depressing me enough?"

"Anything you took Xander was willing to take. He gave up 12 years of his life. That's pretty huge but on the other side of that is a pretty big what if. Xander was willing to give up every day of his life to make sure you weren't alone."

"In the end though he's just like everyone else. He left me. That's what men do. They leave. Dad and Angel and Giles Spike Riley." She laughed "So I shouldn't be shocked that he high tailed it out of here."

"You told him to go."

"Didn't fight it at all did he? "

"You are so blind. He told me that he didn't want to go. He said he wanted to find a way to convince you his leaving was a bad thing."

"Well he failed. He never even tried. For that matter Xander didn't even tell me Good Bye when he left. For all I care Xander can go to hell." Pure rage took over and Dawn just reacted. She smacked Buffy across the face and a look of shock crossed Buffy's eyes.

"I will not allow you to belittle someone who has done so much for you because you can't see." Buffy stepped back shaking her head.

"What can't I see Dawn?"

"Why did Xander stay 12 years? Why didn't he bail on you when Spike left you. Why didn't he bail on you a few years later when Angel left?"

"Because he's my friend." Dawn said nothing but again just shook her head and laughed. "Something funny?"

"He loves you Buffy. He loves you more then you damn well deserve. He always has but you are blind. Blissfully happily ignorantly blind."

Buffy didn't have it in her to fight anymore. Her eyes were blood shot and she looked tired. The voice that came out of her was small and defeated. "If he loved me so much then why did he leave me?" Tears ran down her face. "I've always counted on him. He has always been there and then one day he wasn't and" She sat on the couch covering her face with her hands crying.

Dawn went to her sister and sat next to her. She put her arm around her trying to comfort her. "Buffy it's going to be alright."

"It isn't though Dawn. I know why he left. I was a bitch. Spike came back and I treated him like he didn't matter anymore. I pushed him aside. I was practically taunting him with the things I did with Spike. It's no wonder he left. I would have left a long time before." She shook her head "How can I expect him to forgive me."

"Come on Buffy its Xander. He has the biggest heart. I know he misses you." Buffy's eyes lit up a little thinking that maybe hope wasn't lost.

"You really think he misses me?"

"Only one way to find out." Buffy sighed and shook her head.

"You are right. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"I need to straighten my life out. I need to fix things. I can't let him see me like this. I need to fix things." Dawn smiled feeling like she was seeing the sister she knew and remembered.

"You got me for the weekend. First we should get you cleaned up then this place. From there we will figure out your next move." Dawn hugged her sister. "Buffy you are going to be okay."

"Dawn one last thing?"

"Yeah?"

"My phone could you help me to plug it in?" Dawn smiled holding back the laugh. She took Buffy's phone and plugged it in to the computer in the den. Buffy waited till she had privacy then scrolled through the numbers till she found the one she wanted. On the other end of the phone was the familiar voice.

"Spike is that you?"

"Buffy?"

She whispered to keep her voice low so Dawn couldn't hear. "I need to see you. I think we have to talk?"


	15. Awake 14

The week since Dawn had come to visit had been good for Buffy it gave her something she desperately needed. Perspective. The kitchen no longer smelled like rotted food and was cleaned up. Repaired was a whole another thing. All the cleaning in the world wouldn't fix the cabinets and table that were now on a scrap heap.

She figured maybe it was time for a remodel anyways. Dawn had gotten rid of every bottle of booze that was in Buffy's house. It wasn't that Buffy was an alcoholic but she wanted to give her sister the best possible chance. By the end of the weekend when Dawn had to go back to school she left feeling her sister had at the very least a good chance at a fresh start.

As Dawn left she looked to her sister and gave her one last hug. "I hope if you've learned anything it's that you don't have to do this alone. Buffy you have a big circle of people that love you and care about you. In a second they'll be there for you if needed."

Buffy nodded and smiled. "Dawn I'm sorry about everything. I feel like maybe I can find a place or something somewhere I belong in this world."

Dawn couldn't help but laugh. "You sound just like." But she stopped.

Buffy cocked an eyebrow confused. "I sound just like who?"

Dawn smiled and took her sisters hand. "You sound just like Xander. I talked to him about a week ago and he's struggling to figure out what his next move is. He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Maybe that's a good thing. I mean you both have these giant question marks over your future. Well you at least don't have to go through it alone." Dawn sighed looking at her watch and Buffy knew it was time.

"You really have to go?"

"If I'm going to be home in time yes."

Buffy sighed, "Do me a favor hug your children for me. Tell them I'm sorry about not coming but I will see them soon."

Dawn looked at her sister with a hint of skepticism. "I don't lie to my children Buffy. So if I tell them this you better live up to your word."

"I need to figure out a few more pieces. I need to fix a few things but I feel like I'm at least on the path."

"Us Summers girls may stumble. We may even fall but we pick ourselves up and are stronger for it." Buffy pulled her sister in to one last hug Dawn smiled welcoming the embrace. The fear and worry she had for her sister had melted away. She knew deep down Buffy was going to be okay.

Buffy watched her sister pull away and stood there until the tail lights were completely out of sight. After her sister left she went up to her bedroom and started packing her own duffel bag. An hour later a cab pulled up and Buffy came out tossing her bag in the back and looking at the driver. "Airport."

A few hours later she was checking in to the hotel by the Airport. She had arrived in Walden Vermont and had an important date with a British vampire. She had called him days earlier and arranged a meeting. After leaving Buffy's side Spike got in contact with his slayer friend in Vermont.

He had been helping with patrols in the area. Killing vampires or the big nasties that go bump in the night was a welcome distraction to the pain Buffy Summers had left. So when she called to tell him she wanted to meet he felt conflicted. On one hand he wasn't ready to welcome more pain in his life. On the other hand it was Buffy and he'd never be able to say no to her.

The meeting place they agreed on was a diner in the middle of town. The place was one of that old time space ship looking restaurant. They were big in the 50'w long and metal and looked untouched by time. Most of the crowd consisted of regulars but they welcomed new faces. It was just after 10 PM.

As Spike walked in he spotted Buffy in the back booth chewing on a giant stack of pancakes. He casually walked to the table saying nothing he just slid in to the booth.

Buffy groaned in joy. "My God Spike you weren't kidding. The Maple Syrup in this place is amazing."

"Best in the world"

""I swear if I lived here I think I'd be 200 lbs. It's sooo good." Spike shook his head knowing maple syrup wasn't the thing that brought them there.

"Look at you being all casual. Talking pancakes and syrup just to avoid what your really want to talk about." A small smile spread across Buffy's face. She grabbed a napkin and wiped off the syrup then pushed the plate aside.

"You could always see through my crap." She let go of a deep sigh. And looked at him. "I didn't like the way we left things."

"Wasn't exactly the happy ending I was hoping for."

Buffy shrugged. "Happy endings are few and far between in our world Spike. The thing is though I've had time. Time to think. I've thought about a lot of things."

"Mind sharing some of those thoughts." Spike said.

"Well first I have to tell you I get it. I mean the whole wanting to sire me thing. It was a scary time. When you love someone you find that you would do anything for him or her. I am glad it didn't happen but I understand the feelings and emotions behind it."

"Buffy I"

"Not yet Spike. Please just listen cause I have to say all of this. I have to get it out." She looked in to his eyes "I also know why you said it. You needed me to hate you. You needed me to drive you out of my life so that I could move forward." She looked down at the table.

Spike just listened but not saying anything. Buffy cleared her throat. "That stuff you said about evolution. You were right. I can't move forward if I'm living in the past. You wanted me to move forward so you told me something you knew would drive me away. Is any of this sounding right?"

Spike replied with a simple "maybe"

She took Spike's hand. "Spike what you did showed you are capable of change. You drove me away because you wanted what was best for me. Spike I think of the time you first came to Sunnydale and who you are today and I can tell you. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of what you become."

Spike cleared his throat. "So what happens next?"

"Well step one was making amends to the people I hurt. I've already told Dawn I was sorry. I wanted to find you and now I need to find Xander."

Spike looked at her wondering. "This moving forward stuff? What does that mean?"

Buffy shook her head. "Not sure I know yet. I know that being the slayer has been a huge part of my life but I think I'm leaning on it. I'm letting it define me. It's like if I'm not the slayer then I'm afraid I'm nobody."

"You could never be nobody."

She smiled at Spike's words. "Well I hope you are right cause I'm thinking maybe it's time I put the stake down. I mean there are enough girls who can do this now. Again I haven't decided anything yet. Just thoughts I've been kicking around. It's kind of scary though. I don't have a force or destiny driving me. It's just Buffy Summers and I don't know what's next."

"What ever is next I hope you have a place in your life for a broken down old vampire."

Buffy laughed and smiled at him. She was still holding his hand. "I'll always need you Spike and I'll always be your friend but if I am moving forward I can't do that with the same actions of my past."

Spike knew the chapter of Buffy and Spike was closing. A part of him wanted to claw and pull at it refusing to let it close. Buffy was his one true thing. He knew Buffy was uncertain in her choice and it wouldn't take much if he wanted to change her mind.

"Buffy I need you." He paused closing his eyes.

"Yes Spike?"

He kept his eyes shut and found the strength to do what was right one more time. "I need you to know that I am so grateful to have such an amazing friend. " With that he pulled his hands back pulling away. Buffy smiled at Spike and leaned forward giving one final kiss on his cheek.

They sat for a minute not sure what was next. Finally Buffy looked to him. "So are you going to stay here in Vermont?"

"I don't know. I like it but I do better as the nomadic badass traveler. What about you?"

"I'm not sure. The hard part of all of this is being alone. You think being the chosen one would prepare me for this. The thing is though I was never alone. Not really. Solitude kind of sucks."

"Wouldn't have to be alone?"

"Spike I think you and I living together would be to easy to fall back in"

He interrupted her. "Wasn't talking about me." He looked forward not believing he was about to suggest it. "You know Droopy didn't want to go. Not really?"

"You think I should ask Xander to move back?" She laughed, "You hate Xander."

"A part of me is dying speaking on behalf of him but I'm working on this whole greater good thing. He was always good to you. He treated you right. What I feel towards him means nothing if he is the one who would be best for you then I say drag his ass home."

"After all the things I did. He hates me. Even if he did come back I don't know if I deserve that kind of forgiveness."

Spike slid out from the booth. "I'm sure what ever you do you will land on your feet." Buffy stood next to him and gave the vampire one last hug.

"I'll see you around Spike."

"You can count on it." He pulled away took one last look at her and turned walking out the café. Buffy threw down 18 bucks to pay for her food and tip and then picked up her duffle bag.

She walked to the curb and flagged down a cab. "Airport please."

The friendly cabbie smiled starting the meter and stepped on the gas. "Flying today. Where ya going?"

"Manchester."


	16. Awake 15

Xander came running down the hallway as his socks slid on the floor as he tried to stop at Willow office. He had a smile she hadn't seen since he had been there. "Willow you are never going to believe it."

"What?"

"Look outside. The sun is out." She turned around looking out the picture window and smiled.

"You are right." She laughed and stood up. "Maybe it's a sign."

"It is a sign. Today is going to be awesome."

"So what are you going to do with this awesome day?"

Xander smiled and slapped his hands together rubbing them together thinking. "Well step one is I know you got a hammock in your storage unit that you haven't even taken out of the box. I'm going to put that up and together. Then I'm thinking of finding the game on the radio. A few beers of course will make everything go smoother."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Naturally"

"And then I'm thinking I'm going to pass out probably falling asleep before half time."

"Let me get this straight Xander. You have been complaining since you got here how much you hate the weather. You finally have a day you can do something with and your answer to that is falling asleep in a hammock half drunk."

"Awesome isn't it?" She shook her head and laughed.

"I swear you are such a man sometimes."

"Say the word and I'll hang a hammock for you."

"Sounds nice but I think I will do something productive with my day."

"Your loss." With that he took off gathering his supplies for what he would need for his day.

Buffy's plane was just landing in Manchester and as the wheels touched the runway she breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't afraid of flying but it was one of those situations she wasn't comfortable with. Buffy didn't like being put in to situations where she had no control.

She walked through the airport grabbing her bag and paperwork. She got in the line and waited patiently behind all of the other travelers. Finally a woman behind a window waved Buffy over. The lady was the typical airport employee. She had her silver hair tied in a bun and had a bored bemused look on her face.

Buffy had never travelled internationally before so was still somewhat unfamiliar with the process. The woman looked at Buffy "Passport?"

Buffy flinched realizing people were waiting "Oh right. " She quickly slid the passport under the glass partition. The woman looked at Buffy reading her passport.

"Buffy Summers do you have any thing to declare?"

Buffy sighed and thought about the question. "Do I have anything to declare?" She shook her head. "I've pushed away the people in my life who care. I've followed a path of self-destruction that I wasn't sure I could or even wanted to come back from. And now I'm here in Manchester hoping to save probably the most important relationship with any man I've ever had and I'm not sure what I can even say to him that will make any difference"

The woman looked aggravated at Buffy. She wasn't' sure if Buffy was sarcastic, a smart ass or just really that naïve to the process. "Generally you just say I have nothing to declare and I send you on your way."

"Oh?" She picked up her passport and smiled. "I have nothing to declare?" She asked hoping that would be enough. The woman rolled her eyes and waved her hand towards the gate as Buffy quickly made her way out.

Buffy stood on the curb waiting for a cab to pull up. She had Willow's address scribbled on a little piece of paper. As a cabbie pulled up she handed him the address and he took off driving her to her destination.

When he pulled up Buffy looked at what could only be described as a castle. Buffy looked at the cabbie. "Are you sure this is right?"

"Aye Missy this is the place alright. My GPS confirms it."

"UPS? Like the people in the brown shorts" He looked on confused thinking everyone knew what GPS was.

"GPS" He tapped to the box on the dash.

"Oh right. GPS. I thought." She shook her head and took out some money paying the cabbie. She smiled and grabbed her bag getting out of the cab She walked to the 15 foot high rod iron gate in front of the drive. The place was intimidating to say the least. She saw a speaker box on the sidewall and pushed the call button.

A woman's voice answered the call. "Can I help you?"

Buffy leaned down to speak in to the microphone. "I think my friend lives here. I'm looking for Willow Rosenberg. My names Buffy Summers."

There was a pause for a second and then a buzz as the gate unlocked then slowly swung open. Buffy picked up her bag and started the long trek up the drive. As the estate came in to view she realized it was a castle. Willow lived in an honest to goodness castle.

As she arrived at the door a man in a grey suit stood waiting for her. She smiled at the guy but the mans serious demeanor wouldn't allow him to return the smile. "Hi I'm Buffy. I'm looking for Willo" But she was interrupted.

"Ms. Rosenberg is in a meeting if you wish to wait follow me."

Buffy nodded at the cold British man. He seemed to have all the emotional warmth of a snow pea. Buffy looked up at the ceiling as she walked. "This place is amazing"

"Yes I'm quite sure that is why Ms. Rosenberg purchased it." He took Buffy to the library in the east wing. "Make yourself comfortable here and I will tell her you are here when she comes available."

Buffy set her bag down on the ground and nodded "Thank you." The mans heals clicked on the marble floor as he turned walking out. Buffy sighed and stood up walking around the library looking around. The room had various paintings and sculptures spread through out it. The centerpiece of it all was a poster size photo sized photo Willow had blown up.

It was from years past at the magic box. It was just a casual photo of all of them sitting around. At the time it was nothing special, just some pizzas and a late night research session. It was Dawn and Giles, Xander, Willow and herself. It was one of those rare photos even Giles broke his usual stiff demeanor to smile for the picture. Buffy stepped to the picture studying it and smiled thinking of old times.

Willow took a few steps closer to Buffy and cleared her throat. "Reflecting on old times?"

Buffy spun around and smiled seeing Willow. "Oh God Willow." She opened her arms to Willow hugging her.

Willow returned the hug and smiled but was a little cynical of what brought her there. "So you were in the neighborhood and stopped by?"

Buffy pulled back and shook her head. "More along the lines of some things I need to fix. Dawn told me Xander has been staying here?"

Willow nodded and stepped back sitting on the edge of the table. "He is here." She let go of a breath. "Buffy I am your friend just as I am his friend. My natural inclination is to protect my friends so."

"So you are wondering if I have come here to do more damage."

"I know you wouldn't do it intentionally. I'm not attacking you. I get that you've been through a lot and I'm in no place to judge you. I even talked to your sister so hey I get it."

"That's just it Will. I don't know if you can. The world I've come back to everyone has done these amazing things. Believe me I am proud of you. I always knew you were capable of so much. You live in a freaking castle Rosenberg. That's the stuff real honest to God Fairytales are made of."

"None of it came easy Buffy."

"I'm not saying it did. I am sure you earned all of it. You did all these amazing things and then I am still in the same place. I feel like I'm not good enough anymore."

Willow sighed and walked to Buffy putting her arm around her old friend. "Buffy of course you are good enough. Yeah I've done well but I didn't have obstacles in my way that you did."

"Like sleeping over a decade?"

"And now that you are awake you can do what ever it is you want."

She shook her head and looked down at the ground. "I'm not sure what it is I even want."

Willow couldn't help but laugh and shook her head. "You sound just like Xander."

"How is he? Does he hate me? I'd hate me."

"Buffy you know Xander isn't capable of hating you. As for how is he doing? Manchester is an adjustment for him. He's very Americanized and it's going to take him some time to adjust." Willow then placed her hands in her pockets. "But there is a bigger issue we need to address?"

Buffy looked on and knew what was coming. "I know what you are going to say."

"Buffy you have been blind to the obvious. Now I'm not saying it was your fault but here are the facts. Xander loves you. On some level he always has. I also know that Xander has been your emotional whipping boy in the past."

"A lot of truth in that Willow."

"I'd bet donuts to dollars when Spike left you that your first inclination was to find Xander so he could make you feel better."

"You'd be right."

"He never told me but the whole sex and Spike and being under the same roof. It hurt him a lot. I know you didn't do it to be cruel. You didn't think."

"Will I have made a lot of mistakes. Even now I question if being here is the right thing."

"Why?"

"I'm left wondering if I am doing this for myself or for him. I hurt him badly and I need to make amends I know that but a part of me wants him back. He's always been by my side and now he isn't and I want that back so am I doing this for him or doing it for me."

"There is a part of me Buffy that didn't want to let you in the gates when you were standing out there. I'm not sure I trust you with Xander. Sometimes I wonder if you are like a chocolate flavored poison. You are sweet going down but deadly after effects."

Willow's harsh words stung a little but she knew this wasn't going to be easy. She closed her eyes and let go of a deep breath. "I'm not going to make promises cause words are cheap. I can tell you that I have changed but to be honest it's only been a few days. I want to be trusted again. That's only going to come in time."

"I guess that is fair."

"So are you going to stop me from speaking to Xander?"

Willow laughed and shook her head. "He's a grown man. I want to protect him but it's not my place to say who can or can't be in his life." Willow looked at the side of the table and saw Buffy's bag." Where are you staying while you are in Manchester?"

"To be honest I just threw some clothes in a bag bought an airline ticket and left. I haven't given it much thought. I kind of figured I'd find out when I got here."

Willow shook her head "Don't worry about a hotel. You are going to stay here."

"Willow you don't have to do that I don't want to be a pain."

"Buffy this place has 27 bedrooms. I'm pretty sure we can find a place for you."

"You are the best Willow" She opened her arms to her and hugged her.

Willow welcomed the embrace hugging her back. "Of course if you make things worse with Xander I will have to hurt you."

Buffy flinched for a second but stopped as Willow smiled. "Promise not hurting Xander."

With that Willow waked to the desk in the library and picked up the phone "Godfrey if you could come to the library and show Ms. Summers to one of the rooms she will be staying with us for the next few days." She hung up the phone and Buffy looked at her.

"Who is Godfrey?"

"He's the house manager. He watches over the estate."

"Like s a butler?'

"Yes I suppose."

"Wow you live in a castle and you have a butler. You are intimidating."

"I also make an amazing sugar cookie." The library doors opened and Godfrey walked in to the room.

He kept the stone-faced façade up looking at Willow. "Miss Summers if you come with me I will show you to your room."

Buffy picked up her bag and prepared to follow Godrey. "So we have to catch up before I go back home."

Willow nodded "I promise I'll take a few days off and we'll have a blast."

Buffy smiled ready to follow Godfrey but stopped. "Oh I forgot to ask. Where is Xander?"

"He's some where around here?"

"Some where around here? Willow this place is the size of Sunnydale?"

"Oh stop it. It's not that big, maybe the size of the school. Start looking around I'm sure you'll find him somewhere."

The room Godfrey showed Buffy was incredible. It reminded her of something out of Cinderella. The centerpiece of the room was the four-post bed with the lace canopy. The room had it's own bathroom and a walk out balcony looking on to the rolling hills in the distance.

Godfrey looked on at Buffy. "Shall there be anything else?"

"No. I think I am good." With that Godfrey turned on his heal and left Buffy to her thoughts.

A few minutes later Buffy walked from room to room looking for Xander. She had opened guest room after guest room and countless bathrooms and was starting to lose hope. The last room she looked in she was just about to turn her back on but something stopped her.

She was in detective mode and looked at the trash can in the room. It was littered with Twinkie wrappers and she smiled. She walked to the closet opening the door finding all of his clothes. "Xander Harris I am on your trail." She felt a sense of relief. She found his room just not him.

She skipped down the steps the first flight and walked through the kitchen figuring if there were food maybe she'd find Xander. She didn't find Xander but did see the back exit to the east patio. Buffy walked to the door looking outside.

Buffy looked on again impressed talking to herself. "Of course Willow you have a pool." She walked out getting some fresh air. As she took a few steps out her ears perked hearing the buzzing of a radio. She walked to the sound and around the side patio when she spotted him.

He was comfortably swaying in the hammock. A small table was at his side with a radio and beer resting. The only thing buzzing louder then the radio was Xander's snoring.

She smiled standing over him watching him rest for a second. Finally she poked his chest "Hey Harris up and at em" Xander's eyes popped open feeling the sudden poking in his chest.

He yawned and looked at Buffy as his eye came in to focus "Bu Buffy?"

"Hey Harris wake up. We need to talk."


	17. Awake 16

Xander yawned stretching out and reached for the table putting on his sunglasses. Buffy smiled waiting for a response her hands on her hips.

"Man you know how to make a girl feel welcome. I come all the way to Manchester and all I get is a yawn."

"You kind of caught me mid nap Buffy." He fluffed his pillow up on the hammock but didn't get up. "Speaking of which I was sleeping comfortably."

"What? You expect me to wait while you sleep?"

"I waited 12 years while you slept. You couldn't give me one hour."

Buffy smile spread across her face. It was somewhat ironic. "Okay so what do you want me to say? Xander you are more patient then I am. I've never been good at the waiting part."

Having the sunglasses on was nice. He kept his head staring at the sky but could hide the stolen glances he would give her. "What are you doing here Buffy?"

Buffy paced her hands behind her back. "Well I sent you out in to the world to do great things. I thought for sure that you would have cured cancer on week one and brought peace to the Middle East by week 2. Instead I find you lounging about in a hammock drinking beer."

"You flew all the way to Manchester just to lecture me?"

"You think I'm going to let you just become some kind of mooch that lives off Willow. I love Willow entirely too much to just toss you off to her."

"I'm not a mooch I'm in transition. I haven't figured out what it is I want yet."

Buffy shook her head trying to act angry. "If you are just going to lay around you could have done that back at the farm. Hell I'd have bought you the hammock." Xander tilted his head looking at Buffy confused. He pulled himself up and out of the hammock and looked at her.

"So you are saying you want me to move back?"

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and went back to pacing. "Well it's a big place and I don't know how to run the lawn mower and all those other things you did. I mean it's a 2 person operation."

Xander shook his head and turned around walking away. "Pass."

Buffy chased after him. "Wait Xander there are some things I need to say."

"I managed that place just fine for 12 years Buffy. I didn't need help. But if it is that hard for you find a hired hand who can do it for you."

"God you are really going to make me say it. Fine. I want you back because I miss you."

Normally that would have been enough to stop Xander dead in his tracks but not today. He just kept walking. "I'm sure Spike will give you all the company you need."

"Spike's gone Xander. I sent him away." Xander who had gotten 10 feet ahead of her at this point stopped and turned around looking at her.

"Spike is gone?"

"Spike is always going to be a part of my life. I will most likely even see him again in my future but"

"But?"  
"Spike was something familiar that I grabbed on to from my past cause it made me feel like I belonged. You can't move forward by clinging to your past."

"So you sent him away?"

"At first I sent him away angry. I was pissed. Really pissed. Then I had time to think. We talked and we both know that what was can never be again."

Xander stepped to Buffy. He put his hand on the side of her shoulder. "I'm glad you are finally wanting to move forward. You deserve that after the hell you've been through but I can't come back with you?"

"Why not?"

"You want me back because Spike isn't an option. I'm not a choice. I am a process of elimination. I deserve better then that."

"You are right. You do deserve better. I wish I could restart things. I wish I could wake up again and this time do things right. I've made mistakes I will own all of them. I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned a lot. I know what is important now."

"Then tell me what you've learned. Tell me what is important to you?"

"You are important to me Xander. More then you know. Hell more then I knew until I wrecked it. It's cliché to say but it's true. You really don't know what you have until it's gone."

Xander couldn't hear anymore. Buffy had always been his kryptonite and he knew if he stayed he would fail. He would fall in to the same trap he always had and once again he'd be her beckon call guy. He turned around walking again. He opened the patio door and walked in to the kitchen. Buffy again ran after him.

"Xander please stop."

"This can't be about just what is right for you. I don't think you know how much you hurt me."

"Xander"

"No you don't get to talk right now." He kept walking through the halls as Buffy listened matching his pace. "Do you know what it's like Buffy to give everything to someone for 12 years. They are your life. Then when they wake up they tell you that you need to go away. That you need to get away from them." He was holding back the pain but it was obvious in his voice.

"Xander I"

Again he interrupted her. "And then to be cast aside like a dirty sock when the one you really want shows up." He stopped at his bedroom door and faced the door not wanting to look at her. He didn't want her to see the pain on his face or how hard it was for him to say these things to a woman he clearly loved.

"All I have is I'm sorry Xander." Now the tears were starting in Buffy's eyes. "I know it's pathetic and weak and it's not good enough. But I'm sorry. I wish I could change things. I wish I could get my hands on that stupid girl and slap her around, make her see the huge mistakes she had made. But I can't. This is all that's left. I have changed though."

Xander turned around facing her. As the trail of tears ran down her face his first inclination was to wrap his arms around her and comfort her. He couldn't do that though. He needed to be strong. "I've changed too Buffy. I'm not the same guy I was. I don't think I can be that guy for you any more. It takes a strength I think I have all used up."

"Xander what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I've lived for you for so long and I think it's time I start living for myself. I think this is good bye. Not forever but at least for now." With that Xander opened his door and stepped inside out of sight. He pressed his back to the door and slowly slid down it. He buried his head in his knees. He felt sick like he had thrown away the thing that mattered most. He wanted to fling the door open and run after Buffy but he didn't.

Buffy ran to her room hurt and crying. All of the men she had lost over all the years were a bittersweet sting compared to what she was feeling today.

Willow was doing her part to be a good friend to both. She gave them the space and time they needed and checked on both. She offered no advice just a kind ear and no judgment.

Hours had passed and the house seemed quiet. Finally Xander got up and left the room needing some food. He needed to stretch his legs. He walked in to the kitchen to find Godfrey reading the newspaper. Godfrey stood up.

"Alexander is there something I can get you?"

"Thank you but I just want a sandwich."

"If you like I can prepare something for you it would be no trouble."

"Thanks but I'm really the more do it myself type." With that he walked to the fridge and grabbed some cold ham cheese and mustard and pickle. "You hungry Godfrey."

"Thank you but no"

"Suit yourself. He smiled slicing the bread and starting the sandwich. "So uhm has Buffy been down. You know for food or anything?"

"She has kept to her room mostly."

"Godfrey if you could uhm send some food up or something. She's too stubborn to come out on her own. Just don't tell her it was my idea."

"I'll have something prepared. Any idea on what she likes?"

"She loves Cheese pizza. Oh and you can't go wrong with anything chocolate." He finished making the sandwich and cut it in half. He pulled himself up on the counter and took a bite.

"I'll see it is taken care of." Xander just nodded and smiled. "If I may be so bold to make an observation."

"Observe away my British friend."

"You spent 12 years of your life looking after her."

"Willow told you that?"

"One might say it's in your nature to take care of her. Even now you look after her."

He chewed the sandwich hearing his words and nodded. "Maybe that's my problem. My happiness hinges on her."

"Only a problem if you see it as one."

Xander stared at the ceiling and shook his head. He put down his sandwich thinking. He swallowed the bite in his mouth and sighed "I just don't know what to do. Everything inside me misses home. It misses her. I want to go back but if I do then I'm telling her that it's okay to treat me like the reliable old shoe."

"But you want to go home?"

"That's the kick in the ass. If I stay I'm miserable but if I go." He shook his head "She says that she has learned and that things will be different but I don't know if I believe that."

"So what will you do?"

"That's the million dollar question isn't it?" He took the last bite of the sandwich and sat in silence for a minute thinking. Finally as he swallowed the last bite he stood up and off the counter. "I don't know." Xander went to pick up the plate and knife but Godfrey stopped him.

"I can take care of those."

"Oh thanks Godfrey."

As he cleaned up after Xander Godfrey prepared a plate of food for Buffy sending it up to her quarters. He knocked and called to her.

"Ms. Summers if I can have your attention for a spot."

Buffy opened the door her eyes were red and puffy from crying. She looked at Godfrey unsure what he wanted. "Yes?"

"I've taken the liberty to prepare something for you. One mustn't starve after all."

The time had gotten away from Buffy and she hadn't even thought to take time to eat. "Thank you uhm." She had forgot his name and felt guilty but had other things on her mind.

"Godfrey"

"Yes thank you Godfrey."

He extended the tray to her to take. Buffy offered him a kindly smile and carried the tray to the bed. She lifted the tray finding cheese pizza and a bowl of double chocolate brownie batter ice cream.

The food was nice but it was doing little to lift her spirits. She needed a distraction from her problems. She leaned over and picked up the phone dialing to Willow's room.

"Buffy is everything okay?"

"I am in Manchester and I was thinking I want to see the Watchers Council while I am here. I was wondering if you could arrange a tour."

"Of course Buffy it wouldn't be a problem. When do you want to go?'

"Well as of right now I have nothing to do tomorrow."

"I will make the arrangements. I'll even take the day off and go with. It will be fun."

"Thanks Will you are the best."

"Maybe we can" She was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Hey Buff can you hold on one second."

"Sure"

Willow pulled herself up out of her bed grabbed her bathrobe throwing it on and tying it shut as she answered the door. Xander stood there looking like he had something on his mind.

"I know it's late Will but do you have a minute."

"Of course Xander." She was just about to tell him that Buffy was on the phone but he interrupted her.

"I want to go back home but I feel like if I do then it's saying everything Buffy did was okay."

"You know what I think?" Buffy just listened from the phone. She knew she had no place eavesdropping but also knew she couldn't put the phone down if she wanted too. "I think you like taking care of Buffy. I think a part of you loves being the guy she can always depend on."

He had a look of confliction twisted on his face. "That dependability thing. It's a lie. Everything people know about me Willow is a lie."

"What?"

"I never told anyone this but." He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Willow. "Everyone always tells me how strong I was. They say how I put up with what I did for 12 years but I wasn't strong and dependable."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying this image of the guy who was strong is a lie. I broke down Willow. I physically broke one night."

Willow sat down next to him on the bed. "What happened?"

"It was some where around year 9. I was following routine. It was her birthday and I was alone. I kept doing those silly things hoping something would connect with her and wake her up. So I bought a birthday cake and was singing happy birthday and I just lost it."

"The cake?"

"Everything. I felt like my last shred of sanity broke. I tossed the cake and fell on the floor and I just cried for hours. I didn't think I could do it. I broke."

"You never told any of us this?"

"I was ashamed Will. I wasn't strong enough. I broke."

"And you think that taints the 12 years."

"I don't know what it does. I was so angry inside with Angel and Spike when they left and I was no different. I was weak."

"So what happened after the cake and party and crying?'

"Sun came up and I pushed all those feelings in my gut. I cleaned up the cake and tried to convince myself it never happened."

"I wish you would have talked to us about this. We could have helped you deal."

"It's done now. It's in the past." She took his hand and patted it smiling.

She cleared her throat and sighed "You are welcome to stay here as long as you like Xander but I think you know Manchester isn't right for you. You don't belong here."

"It's only been a few weeks."

"Xander you are miserable. Time isn't going to change that for you."

"Are you kicking me out?"

"Of course not. I just want you to really think about where you want to be."

He nodded and got up to leave. "Willow what if it's not a place. What if it's a person?"

"You want to be with Buffy?"

"In spite of everything I still love her." He laughed and shook his head "I think some part of me always has." He let go of a sigh. "I have some thinking to do."

"Buffy and I are going to go to the Watchers Council tomorrow if you wanted to tag along."

"I'll think about it." With that he hugged Willow and left her to be.

A thought suddenly entered Willow's she looked at the phone that was lying on the night stand with Buffy listening on the other end. She quickly grabbed the phone.

"Oh God Buffy I forgot you were there." Buffy stayed silent for a second she wasn't sure what to say or even if she should say anything. So she lied.

After a few seconds she gathered her thoughts. "Oh sorry Will did you say something. I was just getting changed in to my pj's for the night. Did I miss anything?"

"No nothing at all."

"Well I will see you in the morning."

As she hung up the phone she knew that she couldn't look to Xander anymore to be the one to hold her up that maybe it was time for her to be his strength.


	18. Awake 17

Xander sat in the kitchen eating coco pebbles. Willow shook her head seeing her friend eat the sugary chocolate cereal.

"I have a kitchen staff that has been classically trained in preparing the finest cuisine of all cultures and nations and I find you eating a bowl of coco pebbles."

Couldn't help but smile. "What can I say Willow I am a man of simple taste." Just then one of the servants came to Willow bringing her breakfast. "So Buffy and I are going to the watchers council today. I've talked with Faith and we are going to give her the tour. I was thinking since you haven't seen it yet that maybe you could"

Xander looked up to see Buffy entering the kitchen. There was an awkward silence for a second. She looked at Xander and turned around "I uhm will eat later."

Xander stood up stopping her. "Buffy don't. Please stay." Willow grabbed her plate and smiled.

"Well I have work to do in my den" She grabbed her plate leaving them there. Buffy looked at Xander and sighed. She looked at the ground. "I never thought there would be a time we have to be awkward around each other."

"Why is this awkward Buffy? We had an argument yesterday Buffy but it doesn't change our friendship. Buffy you are my best friend. So we disagree and maybe have had better times I still am there for you in a heartbeat if you need me."

She looked up and in to his eyes and smiled. "Really?"

"Of course really." He stood up from his bowl of cereal and walked over to her hugging her. "I've been through to much with you to give up on this friendship."

"That is such a relief cause I though last night I lost you and I wasn't able to sleep at all."

"You can't lose me that easy Buff."

She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest just enjoying the feeling of closeness. "Thank you for being such an amazing friend." She didn't know why but being held by him there made her feel safe. It was her safe place and losing it meant losing everything.

He held her a bit longer then pulled back. "So you are going to check out the council today?" Buffy nodded and pulled back a little bit. She turned around walking to the fridge and grabbed an apple.

"You should come with us?"

"I kind of have to meet with someone about an apartment?"

"Apartment?"

"Can't live here forever. I need to find my own place. You know part of the whole carving out your own way." Buffy tried to hide the pain from learning Xander was making long term plans staying.

"Oh well if you finish early you should come by."

"Maybe I will."

An hour later Buffy and Willow were on the way to the Watcher's Council. Buffy offered to drive but Willow was afraid of how Buffy drove in America much less a place where driving was so backwards.

"Willow if I told you something we could have the whole cone of silence thing right. I mean you could keep it between us."

"Sure. Just consider me a secret vault."

Buffy had a look on her face of confusion and confliction. "What if there was this guy. You think you are in love with him but the route you got there with is different then anyway you ever got there before. So at first it doesn't seem like love but then."

"There is a guy?"

"The thing is I've always loved Xander. He is my best friend and it's natural to love your friend."

"Is this a friendship kind of love?"

"It used to be. Now I'm not so sure. Now when I see him I feel excited. I feel like I need him to be happy."

Willow sighed a breath biting her lip. "Wow this is tough. I mean on one hand I want to give you the best advice but on the other it's Xander and I don't want to see him hurt."

"That's just it. I'm afraid if I screw this up I could make things worse for him and after everything. He doesn't deserve that."

Willow pulled over the car and looked in to Buffy's eyes. She was reluctant to say what came next "Buffy he is in love with you. You are the one thing he has always wanted and maybe being with you is the one thing he does deserve."

"But if it gets screwed up"

"You can't plan for the worst cause bad things can always happen. What if your what if went the other way. What if you are each others happy ending?"

Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. "When the hell did this become so complicated?"

"Have you told him yet?"

"I haven't told anyone yet. I'm afraid." She paused for a second. "Afraid that I am going to tell him and he won't want me. I wouldn't blame him. The pain of being rejected by the one person who matters most in your life would be unbearable. I think I'd rather fight an apocalyptic world ending demon war."

Willow laughed and started the car. "Love is messy and scary and painful but it's worth it." She started driving.

"Says the girl who doesn't date seriously."

"As painful as it was to lose Tara Buffy having that love was worth any pain. I still miss her Buffy but if I had the chance I'd do it all over again." Willow wiped a tear out of her eye and smiled.

Buffy patted her friend's hand holding it as she drove. "Thank you. For everything."

She nodded and smiled. "Just be careful with him."

The first building of the council came in to view. Buffy looked at the area amazed. "Exactly how big is this place."

"Technically it's a city."

"Really?"

"Well there are dormitories for the girls to live in. You have to educate them so of course we have a school. The training facilities at this place are on par with Olympic training center."

"And Manchester allows all of this?"

"They were reluctant at first but now they kind of love it. This is probably the safest town in all of the world.' Willow pulled up to the security gate. She scanned her id badge then punched in the 7 digit code. "At first Manchester wanted to use this place as a tourist attraction but we talked them out of it."

"Tourist Attraction?"

Willow stepped on the gas driving through the gates. "They wanted a cheesy town motto. Manchester home of the Slayers Vampires beware."

"God that is awful."

"Tell me about it." Willow drove up to a specific spot with her name on the curb in front of her. Faith walked out the front entrance and to Willow's car ready to greet her.

As Buffy got out she looked at Faith and offered a smile. "This place is impressive Faith."

"Glad you could make it B." She smiled at Willow "And Will just remember this place isn't your personal dating pool. Look but not touch."

"Says the girl who wears her hormones on the outside of her body."

Buffy started walking between Faith and Willow heading in to the school. "So who the hell pays for all of this?"

Faith walked trying to find the best way to explain it. "We have private benefactors that know how truly important everything we do is."

Willow piped up adding her own two cents. "Some of them you've probably never heard of but you'd probably recognize a name or two. We have a computer tycoon who makes annual donations."

Faith held the door open as Buffy walked inside. "The thing is Buffy its not just about getting money. We have some really smart people in money management investing. All so that what you see operates like a smoothly oiled machine."

Buffy looked skyward at the ceiling amazed by the cathedral ceilings. "I would have never expected this of you Faith. I mean you never seemed the type."

"If I'm honest most of this was in place while Giles was in charge. I just followed his lead and trusted the people he put in charge to do what they do best."

Buffy spun around "I definitely want to see the library. It's Giles final resting spot right?"

Faith nodded sighing. "I have arranged for a watcher to give you the full tour."

Buffy looked at Faith and Willow. "You two aren't doing it?'

Willow smiled and shook her head. "We are leaving you in good hands I promise."

Faith smiled at Buffy "I do have one favor. Some of the girls have heard about the legend that is Buffy Summers. They just want to meet you, ask you questions, you can tell them a few war stories."

"Me? Why the hell do they want to meet me?"

"Come on Buffy everyone knows about you. The original Scooby Gang are like rock stars in this place."

"Wow. Uhm sure. I'll meet with who ever you want."

Faith smiled at her "Great we'll do it after the tour." Just then a door to the left opened as a familiar face stepped out.

Buffy looked at the older Andrew. He had a few more lines behind his eyes but he still had the same clueless boyish smile. Buffy opened her arms hugging him.

"Andrew. My God I didn't know you were here."

"You know me. I am the eternal man of mystery and action. So how is Spike doing?"

"All these years and still holding a flame for Spike."

"Shall we get started?" He offered Buffy his elbow guiding her through the various halls and buildings. Andrew had written out cards for all of the various sections giving her the history and statistics of each room. Buffy watched as a class of slayers practiced their fighting regiment. Another class was sitting in class discussing Shakespeare.

They fueled up on Frappuccino's at the Starbucks in the cafeteria, Buffy looked at Andrew. "Man these slayers got it good. Remember back in the day when all I had was a pointy stick. I managed to do all of this with out an Arcade or Movie theater."

"It's nice that the girls have options for their downs time."

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great. This place does seem amazing. So uhm the library?"

Andrew nodded "It's our next and final stop." A few minutes later Buffy walked in with Andrew. The library was massive and completely user friendly. If you couldn't find the book you were looking for on the shelf then you could most likely read it on the many computers.

The centerpiece of the library was a portrait painted of Giles. A small golden plaque hung below it Buffy stepped to the portrait examining it. It was Giles just the ways she remembered him. He was wearing his tweed suit along with his trademark glasses and kindly smile. Andrew looked at Buffy and could see she was moved.

"I'll give you a minute." He stepped out of the room leaving her there.

The plaque below the portrait read _Rupert Giles, Watcher, Mentor, Friend, Father to all of us. _In a small case there was a gold urn with what Buffy assumed was his ashes. Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at the portrait.

"Giles I miss you. More then you know. I wish I could have told you what you meant to me."

She paid her respect and a few minutes later stepped out of the library. Andrew handed her a handkerchief. Buffy blotted her eyes with it. Faith stepped out in the hallway.

"Hey Buffy I take it Andrew showed you all the important stuff."

Buffy smiled and nodded. "He is an excellent tour guide. Thank you Andrew."

"It was my pleasure Buffy."

Faith looked at Buffy and smiled. "So are you ready to meet those slayers?"

"Oh slayers. Yeah sure. Uhm where do you want to do this."

"Just follow me."

Xander pulled up the Watchers Council in the little blue mini cooper. He hated the car. He kept feeling it wasn't the kind of car James Bond would be caught in. It was Willow's car though and beggars can't be chooser.

The apartment he looked at was a rat hole. They wanted too much for a place that smelled like garbage boiled in urine. It pissed him off only more cause they wouldn't have tried that with a non American but because he was from the U.S they assumed he was a sucker. He hoped he could redeem his day by hanging out with Willow and Buffy.

As he parked the car and walked in to the school he couldn't help but notice the girls that were filling the halls. Xander wondered what was going on. He pulled one of the girls to the side.

"Hey where is everyone going?"

The girl couldn't hide the excitement in her voice. Her eyes were like a kid opening a present on Christmas day. "She's here. She is really here and we are going to get a chance to see her."

"Who?"

"Buffy Summers." Xander smiled thinking it was great that she was getting the attention she was. He smiled at her.

"Thanks." He started to walk away but the girl stopped him.

"Wait you are him aren't you?"

"Him?"

"You are Xander Harris."

"You've heard of me."

"Can I have your autograph? You are like my hero." Just then a golf cart zipped through the hall as Andrew stopped slamming on the break.

"Are you insane? You are like 2 seconds away from getting mobbed."

"Mobbed?"

"Andrew is that you?"

"Yes get in the cart. We have to get out of here." Xander got in the golf cart following his commands.

"What's the big deal?" Andrew pulled away driving down the halls as a hush went through out the crowd that Xander was there.

"You and Buffy are the last two. Everyone has eventually shown up here but you two are the last hold outs so naturally you are in demand." Andrew stepped on the gas picking up speed.

"You sure you should go so fast. I mean we are in a hallway filled with slayers."

"Trust me these girls are faster then some golf cart."

"So where is Buffy?"  
"I'll take you to her."

Buffy stood on the wings of the stage looking at Faith like she was insane. The girls were filling the auditorium. "This is a joke right. "

"What? I told you the girls wanted to meet you."

"The girls makes it sound like a few. Not an auditorium."

"You got a lot of fans Buffy. Now come on I promise you it's not going to be nearly as painful as you think. Answer a few questions and boom you can be on you way."

Buffy looked out at the crowd. "Fine but you owe me."

Faith stepped out on to the stage walking to the podium. A hush fell over the crowd. She picked up the microphone and spoke. "Okay so we have a very special guest today. She is an old friend of mine so I want you to treat her nice. At least I think we are friends. I guess it depends on the day." She laughed. "So girls give it up for The Chosen One Buffy Summers."

As Buffy stepped out on stage the girls stood up applauding. They clapped for what seemed like forever. Finally the clapping died down and Buffy spoke. "Wow that's really nice all of you. I have to tell you I kind of don't get it. I mean I'm not the first slayer and clearly not the last."

Andrew pulled up backstage and Xander walked to the wings of the stage. Andrew looked to him. "I can get you a chair or something."

Xander shook his head watching Buffy "I'm good Andrew thanks."

Back on stage Buffy was looking out at the girls. "So I spent a good part of the day checking out the council and I have to say this place is amazing. Kind of makes me wish I could do it all over again. " She snickered a little and cleared her throat. "Faith says you all have some questions about me. A little Buffy Summers Q and A. Now I don't know what makes me so fascinating but I will play along So if there are any questions let's get this ball rolling."

The first girl approached the mic. "Hi my names Heather and I have read all the watchers journals regarding your slaying years and just want to say I'm a big fan. My question is being a slayer today and a slayer in your time what is the biggest difference."

Buffy thought about it for a second then let go of a deep breath. "I guess the whole idea of the sisterhood. It used to be there was only one slayer. Maybe 2 at the most but I look at all of you and you are a family. More then that you have a voice in this council. In my day it was a group of old men set in tradition who liked to bark orders. They never asked me what I wanted. It was" She shook her head "Let's just say it's a lot better today then it was."

The girl sat down as the next girl came to ask her question. "Buffy my names Melanie . I've been a slayer for 6 years. Now that you are back where do you look forward to slaying. I mean all the hell mouths are shut but there are still active vampires communities in the world. My question is where are you going to be?"

"You know it's funny you ask that. The thing is. I didn't tell a lot of people this but I guess now is as good of time as any. At times I have felt that being a slayer has been a bit of a curse but it has not been without reward but it is time for me to step down from my role as an active slayer and leave the future in the hands of the much more capable. After seeing some of you in action it's a future I can say I am confident you will rise above beyond what I could hope for." A hush fell over the crowd as Buffy announced she was stepping down from her role as an active slayer. "That doesn't mean I'm turning my back on any of you or this place it just means I am ready for something new."

Faith whispered next to Willow who was standing next to her. "Did you know she was going to announce that?"

Willow shook her head "I had no idea."

The next person came up to the microphone. "Hi my names Cindy. A lot of people consider you to be the most successful Vampire Slayer of all time. What do you attribute to all of that?"

With out hesitation Buffy knew the answer. "I was lucky. Really lucky. The council told me that The Slayer was to walk alone but I was never alone. I had friends. Friends who are willing to give everything for you." As she said the words it was almost like she was discovering it for herself. "A friend who refused to believe what everyone told him and marched in to what was probably certain death. Because no prophecy was going to stop him from saving me." She shook her head and reflected on another time. She had a blank look on her face. "I remember this one time. The school swim team had mutated in to these Giant Fish men and the coach tossed me to them to be there plaything. When hope is lost I wasn't alone. He pulled me out. When you are sick and probably shouldn't be out there slaying. You tell him to go home but he refuses to leave your side and saves your life and carries you in to the hospital." She took a minute and absorbed everything.

"When doctors tell you that all is hope is lost that same friend waits by your side for 12 years cause he's your strength." A tear trickled down her check. "A friend that I always knew I could count on and at times I probably didn't deserve."

From the wings of the stage Xander suddenly got it. He wasn't bound to Buffy because he had to be. He didn't take care of her because of some twisted sense of duty. He was the one who was always there for her cause that's who he wanted to be. Dignity and pride were little good if it meant he had to give up the one thing he wanted. He wanted to be that faithful port in the storm she could always look to.

And just like that Xander not only knew where his future was but he knew who it would be with. For years he thought everything he had done went unnoticed to her. He stood before her though and he knew things could be different. He didn't care what others might say she was his home and that was where he belonged.

As the girls asked question after question Buffy did her best to answer. Finally Faith came to the stage interrupting. "Okay girls I don't think we want to wear out Buffy on her first visit. So I think we all owe her a thank you and Buffy since you are retiring maybe we can talk about a slayer retirement home." Buffy laughed but the girls stood up and again the building thundered with applause. Buffy hugged Faith and walked to the wings of the stage where she stopped short as she saw Xander.

"Hey Buffy."

She stood there nervous with butterflies in her stomach. "I didn't know you were going to make it. I thought."

He cut straight to the chase. "I heard what you said. All of it."

"It was silly just."

"Buffy it was amazing. I don't even know what to say."

"Is there anything left to say?"

He just nodded and looked at her. "We need to talk."


	19. Awake 18

Faith had given Xander access to her office. Buffy stood in front of Xander with a lot on her mind. Xander had told her they needed to talk and he said it was one of those things that couldn't wait. He needed to say it while it was still fresh in his mind. Which was good cause she had some stuff to say to him. So here they were and it was quiet.

Buffy didn't do well with quiet. "Xander I have something I need to say."

"Yeah me too."

"Do you want to go first?"

"I probably should. It's just hard finding the right words but I'll try." He began to pace. "When you came here to Manchester and you told me you wanted me to come home with you. I don't think you know how happy I was. How much I wanted to run to my rooms and pack my bags and get on the first plane immediately."

"Didn't act that way."

"I know. I had this thought in my head that if I went back with you it would mean I am surrendering my pride. I've been thinking though about pride and dignity. Would I rather be the guy who is miserable and not getting what I really want but I can hold my head high or I'm happy. I think I'd choose happiness."

"Are you saying you want to come home?"

"I also realize something else. Since the beginning even before the coma, all the things I've done. Some of it was exciting, stuff like going to the Master's Lair or taking that shot from Toth for you. Then you have the normal boring stuff just ordering pizza and hanging out, spending the holidays with you." He closed his eyes and couldn't help but smiled. "Buffy I told you yesterday that maybe I couldn't be the one who lived for you. I said I needed to start living for myself."

"What about that?"

"I realize now that I like being your stable guy. It may sound arrogant but I take pride that I have stood by your side when others have left. I have been the one you can count on when immortals have failed. I like being able to say that I take care of a champion. I like being the one man in your life that you can always count on. I don't want to give that up."

Buffy smiled and could feel her heart fluttering. She had to stay strong though cause she needed to get something through his head. "You know you aren't the only one that has learned something. I need you to hear what I say and believe the words. I know the truth. I know about the birthday cake and this insane idea that some how you failed me."

"Willow told you?"

"No. I over heard everything on the phone. She forgot to hang it up."

Xander turned around unable to look her in the eye ashamed. Buffy knew his secret and he felt exposed. "Buffy."

"Just listen please." She cleared her throat and took a breath. "It amazes me that you think you failed because you broke down. I can't imagine the pain you had to of felt every day Xander. It took strength that Spike and Angel didn't have. They left because it hurt too much. I am not strong enough to do what you did."

"That's just it though Buffy I failed you I wasn't"

"Stop it Xander. If you hadn't had that moment where you broke down I'd of thought you were a robot. It shows me how hard this was every day but you did it. You picked yourself up after what had to be one of your hardest moments and you found strength, a strength I don't know anyone else had. Damn it you stayed by my side you saved my life Xander again."

"I don't know about saving your life."

"I do." She started to pace and needed to find the words. "I've never told anyone this. After I woke up from the coma I didn't remember much. I asked about the final battle."  
"Yeah?"

"In the weeks that followed though things started falling in to place. It was small at first but kind of like waking up from a dream I started remembering things."

"What kind of things?"

"I remember Dawn crying. Faith trying to piss me off to get me out of that bed."

He looked at her with a hint of doubt. "You really remember that?"

"I remember you reading me the paper every morning. I can prove it. How else would I know about the Hurricane in New Orleans or OJ going to prison for something other then murdering his wife. I was asleep but you kept me connected to the world."

"You really could hear me?"

"It wasn't just hearing Xander. I hated being in that bed. I wanted to get up. I wanted to get back to life but it was hard. It was like I was holding a rope on one side is death and the other side awake. The end always pulling harder was death. I had to fight just to maintain where I was."

"I never knew."

"And I would have given up if it wasn't for you. Hearing your voice every day showing me that their were people I couldn't let go of. Someone I needed to find my way back to. You were the other end of that rope." She could feel her voice start to squeak now as tears started to flow. "And you didn't let go."

"I never will." With that she ran to him and tackled him hugging him. He could feel the tears start to flow down his face. He held her and she held him for a while. Finally he sighed, "Buffy there is something else I need to tell you."

"Not this time. I'm saying it first." She pulled back from him and pressed her forehead to his. "Xander Harris I want you to know I love you. I don't love you cause of some sense of obligation or some debt. I don't love you like a friend. I love you like I want to be the one who gets to spend every day with you. I want to see you when I wake up in the morning. I don't' want to ever come home and find I don't know where you are. I want my life to be with you."

Xander closed his eyes. He had waited his entire life for Buffy and what she was offering was the one thing he always wanted. He couldn't help but feel conflicted though. In this world Buffy was still relatively a stranger. He wondered if she was clinging to Xander because he was something safe and familiar.

A part of him wanted to say to hell with it. He had earned this and maybe this one time he could put his needs up front for a change. He turned around and closed his eyes trying to think. He took a deep breath and looked at Buffy.

"My entire life Buffy I don't think you knew what those words meant to me. I would sit up at night and just pray that you'd say them to me some day and mean them the way I want you to."

She could tell by Xander's tone this wasn't the news she wanted to hear. "Xander what are you saying?"

"Buffy I love you more then I've ever loved anyone. I'd walk to the end of the earth and back for you but I'm wondering if you love me because of what I done or because I'm the easy choice."

"Xander don't be ridiculous. I chose you because I love you. I am choosing you over everyone."

"Buffy you have just woke up to this world and I'm all you know. You need choices. You need to see what's out there and if you still want me."

She looked a little hurt and angry. "If you don't want to be with me you don't need to make excuses."

Xander bit his lip having a look of pain and sadness on his face. "Buffy this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. All I want to do is be with you. I want you not just today but forever."

"And you can be with me."

"I want you to choose me but I want you to choose me because I'm what you want not cause I'm the first name on the top of a short list."

"Xander I."

"Buffy I've waited for you for over 20 years." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I can wait 6 more months."

"Xander"

He interrupted her. "I want you to take that time see the world. Try to find something that makes you happy. Make some friends and some connection and if in 6 months you feel the same way about me as you do right now."

"I don't need 6 months Xander. This isn't something new for me. I've felt this way even before the coma but was always to afraid to act on it. Xander you think this is about me waking up and wanting to be with you because of obligation or because you are human and the best choice of what's available. It's not."

"If that is true then why didn't you ever say anything?"

"When would have been a good time? When you were with Anya? When you?" She shook her head "I'm done making excuses. The truth is I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Xander look at my past history of relationships. I am a train wreck of relationship pain with out a single victory to show for it. I don't think you realize how important you are in my life. Now I loved you back then but I was afraid that if I loved you the way I wanted that I'd lose that. I was afraid that it would all come crashing down like every other relationship. Only this time it would be worse because I wouldn't just be losing a boyfriend I'd be losing my best friend. I'd be losing the one man who I've always looked to and always been by my side."

"Buffy you have to know that would never happen. I am by your side for good or bad."

"I get that now. I've never been the girl who catches on real quick but I can honestly tell you I get it. Which is why I'm telling you I love you. It's why I'm telling you that when I close my eyes and envision my future you are the only man I see."

It was a lot more then he was expecting but he smiled at her. "I have always loved you and you will never lose me." With that he kissed her softly but passionately. It was warm and soft and just felt like every sunny day rolled in to one. When they pulled back she looked in to his eyes and he in to hers and they knew it was the start of something new.

"You know I'm recently with out calling. No greater destiny or chosen path."

"Hey I got no job and no real idea what is next in my future. I am an unemployed lay about."

Buffy laughed. "I'll see your unemployment and raise you alcoholic tendencies."

"Man we are a doomed mess." He couldn't help but laugh and give his trademark lopsided grin.

She took his hand and intertwined their fingers. "But we are a mess together and that puts us ahead of everyone else."

"Amen to that."

"So what's the plan Xander?"

He sighed and sat on the edge of the desk thinking. "Well I guess I am going to have to hire some movers to get my stuff back in the house."

"I wouldn't hire those same guys."

"Why? Were they rude?"

"No I think I scared them?" Xander looked at her a little shocked. "What? I didn't know you were gone. I thought they were robbing you and I went out ready to fight them."

"You love your violence."

"We should probably spend a few days catching up with Willow and Faith. Touch base with some of the other slayers."

"Some sight seeing might be nice too."

"But then back home?" He inquired.

"God yes. I want to go home."

"Not as much as I do."

"I have to see my sister soon though. I miss feeling that family connection and really want to get that back with Dawn and her family."

"That's cool. To be honest I kind of miss them."

"I know it sounds silly but maybe for the first time since I woke up I feel like my world can be anything. I have hope."

"I'm just glad to be going home. It sounds weird but I miss the house. The bedroom the barn the kitchen."

Buffy smiled a guilty smile knowing the kitchen was going to have to be remodeled. "Yeah uhm bout the kitchen."


	20. Awake Epilogue

(This is obviously the final chapter. Why else would it be marked epilogue? To the people who took time to read this I say thank you to everyone. Your comments, at least the ones with legitimate thought in to them were always respected. I was a little torn with this final piece you are about to read. In my head I kept thinking this scene was a little too hallmark made for TV movie a little cheesy but in the end I much like many of you are a sucker for a good sappy happy ending. So a full on warning to anyone with diabetic tendencies this might be a little too sweet and read with caution. Again thanks to all of you for reading and hope you'll enjoy my next story what ever that may be.)

2 Years Later Christmas Eve

"Knock Knock and Merry Christmas." Dawn invited herself in to the house as her children ran in to the house looking for Buffy. They ran in to the living room to find Buffy placing presents under the tree. Buffy turned opening her arms to them for a hug. The kids charged her practically knocking her down. She laughed a little getting her balance.

"Oh wow you guys are a lot stronger then I remember." Eric came in to the front door an armload of presents. Buffy pointed to the tree that was already bursting at the seams with presents.

"You can put them under the tree if you can find room."

Eric laughed shaking his head "This is only the first load. There are more in the van."

Carter and Little B chimed in simultaneously their eyes twinkling. "Merry Christmas Aunt Buffy."

"Merry Christmas to both of you. If your mom says it's okay you can have some cookies. They are in the dining room on the buffet."

Dawn looked at the kids. "What the heck it is Christmas. Have at it." The kids took off running. Dawn looked around "So where is Xander?"

"He should be at the airport picking up Faith and Willow."

"I think you are insane having everyone here."

"We will make it work we always do."

"So what are the sleeping arrangements?"

"You and Eric can have your old room. The kids sleep in Xander's old room. We set up an extra bed in the guest room so Faith and Willow are crashing there."

"So no vampires staying?"

"Angel is going to stop by sometime tomorrow. Him and his wife kind of want to do there own Christmas tonight. Can't blame them." Eric came in with yet another arm load of presents placing them under the tree. "And I talked to Spike but he said he didn't know if he'd be able to make it."

"Xander was okay with him here?"

"It was his idea."

"Really?"

"Cross my heart" Just then the back door flew open as Faith came in.

"Merry Christmas and ho ho ho point me to the egg nog and there better be lots of rum in it."

Willow followed Faith in "Or Happy Chanukah for some of us." Buffy and Dawn went over trading hugs. Xander had his arms filled carrying presents in for Willow and Faith.

Half way through the living room Xander greeted Eric who was carrying the luggage in for his children and wife.

Xander smiled and shook his head. "You know this wasn't in the brochure"

Eric just shook his head. "Get used to it."

Dawn just smiled at her husband. "You know all that talking isn't going to get the bags in here any sooner sweetie."

"Of course honey."

Buffy looked at Xander "And of course you want to be a good host darling. So make sure you grab all of there things."

Xander smiled at her. "Yeah yeah I'll bring it all in." With that he walked out the door and Dawn looked at Faith.

"Where is Andrew?"

"We invited him to come but to be honest he wanted to stay back. He put together something for the slayer girls who couldn't get home for Christmas. Besides I needed someone to stay behind and take care of the Council."

Buffy looked a little shocked. "And you think Andrew is capable."

"What's the worst he can do? We come back and find the slayers dressed in Star Trek uniforms?"

Willow smiled and laughed "Or Star Wars."

Dawn tilted her nose to the kitchen. "Something smells really good."

Buffy nodded. "That would be Supper. We should be able to eat in an hour."

Faith looked at Buffy. "You have two ex slayers a witch and two men not to mention the teacher and her kids so I hope you got enough."

Buffy laughed and smiled. "Well I think we can feed a small army."

The back door opened again with Xander carrying Willow's bag's in. Eric walked behind him carrying Faith's bags in. After bringing all of his families in he decided to help Xander.

Faith smiled watching them work taking the bags to their room only to turn around to get the next load. Faith looked at Buffy and Dawn. "Damn you two have them trained well. Kind of makes me want to find one and have you guys house break him."

Dawn laughed and looked at her. "So what is the romantic situation?"

Faith looked frustrated. "Puhlease I work with all girls and the Watchers are all afraid of me."

Willow piped up. "Yeah but you like a guy who is scared of you."

Dawn smiled but heard her children and knew she wanted to get settled. "Buffy I think I'm going to unpack and get things ready."

Faith nodded in agreement. "You said dinner is an hour?"

Buffy nodded. "The stuffing will be stuffed and the turkey turked." Xander and Eric walked in the back door one last time with an arm load of presents Faith and Willow brought. They arranged them under the tree and took a sigh of relief.

Xander looked at Eric. "After that I think we have earned a beer."

"Sounds good to me." Dawn looked at Eric and smiled appreciatively.

"Thank you Honey. Take a few minutes and relax then come get changed before dinner."

Buffy walked to Xander and gave him a kiss of appreciation. "You too honey. You are my ever lasting white knight."

Xander took the kiss and the compliment. "No problem honey." With that he made a b line to the kitchen grabbing two cans of Coors light out of the fridge. Eric looked around the kitchen.

"The remodel looks nice." Xander walked out on to the back deck of the house. The fresh fallen snow had given everything a clean white look. Eric followed him and cracked open his beer and took a drink. "Speaking of the remodel how is work going?"

"Oh it's great mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Buffy is always trying to talk the customers in to expensive marble tile or these appliances that cost a small fortune."

"Does it work?"

"Oh she is good. But it's just nerve-racking working with materials that are so expensive. You have to be careful with everything."

"You guys are turning a profit though right?"

"Yeah we are doing okay. To be fair Buffy does have an eye for design. She's pretty good at this."

"She does the decorating and you do the building. Most guys wouldn't be able to work with their wife."

"We have rules. When we work it is all about work and I can't hold work Buffy responsible and blame wife Buffy. It works both ways. When I am at work I am her partner in business but once we are done with work the husband hat comes back on."

"You guys do good work. You are a good team."

"I'm sure you will agree when I saying marrying a Summers girl is the smartest and craziest thing you could ever do."

"They are unique girls. Speaking of which how is year one of marriage."

Xander took a cold sip off of his beer. "In a lot of ways it's a lot like it was before we were married. I mean we still have movie nights and order pizzas. Lord knows we still fight. We are still best friends but the added perks of a relationship and marriage have been nice. Sleeping with your best friend is nice. Not to mention the whole sex thing. Man I forgot how good sex can be."

Eric laughed and took another drink. "So shoveling and house work carrying in the occasional luggage make it worth it."

"Oh totally worth it."

Eric took one last pull from his beer can then tossed the empty can in the recycling bin. "Well I should go get changed before supper."

Xander finished his and nodded in agreement. "Yeah I'm sure Buffy will say the same to me."

With that the two men headed off. The children were in the front room watching a Christmas movie Buffy had put on for them. Xander stepped in the bedroom ready to change. The room had changed a lot over the years. Where once a cold hospital bed and ventilator sat now was a handmade oak sleigh bed. The room had been a source of some of Xander greatest pains but now it was where he held his wife.

Buffy was pulling a red dress on as he walked in. She smiled at him. "Hey honey the food is ready. So don't be too long getting ready."

He smiled at her "Please I am not the one who takes an hour. I can look amazing in 5 minutes or less. I'm like the Domino's Pizza of good looking guys."

She let got of a deep breath and smiled. "I'm just glad to have everyone here."

"Family should be together for the holidays." She gave her husband a quick kiss and headed to the door.

"Merry Christmas Honey. I'll see you downstairs."

Buffy came down the steps to find Dawn in the kitchen pulling the turkey out of the oven. Buffy looked at her sister. "You know you don't have to do this. I mean you are a guest after all."

Dawn shrugged and grabbed the baster coating the turkey. "It's okay. I don't mind." Buffy went to the massive fridge and took out two bottles of wine and a bottle of sparkling cider. "Well what do you say we get the food out on the table."

Faith and Willow skipped down the steps joining the girls in the kitchen. They helped set the table. Eric carried the kids in under each arm. They squealed as he tickled their sides.

He set them at their spots at the table as Xander came down adjusting his collar on the purple button up shirt he was wearing. Xander took his spot at the head of the table with Buffy to the direct right.

Xander cleared his throat and spoke. "If I can have just a quick minute before we eat. First thing I want to say is what it means to me to have all of you here. If I have learned anything in life family doesn't have thing one to do with blood. Family is the people who love you. They are the people you'd march to hell and back for. All of you here are my family. I couldn't ask for any greater gift this holiday season then all of you here."

Buffy stood up and took Xander's hand. "Xander is right. Family comes above all else. This is my first Christmas as a married woman. If you had told me a long time ago that this would be my life I couldn't have ever imagined it. Today though I can't imagine my life any other way. " She intertwined her fingers in Xander's. "Having you here to share all of this means more to me then words can express."

Xander lifted his glass of wine to toast everyone. "Our road has been long and not always the smoothest ride but none the less we got here all the same. So I toast all of you and say to family."

Buffy quickly put her hands up "Wait please one more second." She smiled a little nervous and uneasy. "As lovely as that sentiment was I have one last thing I want to do. Then you can drink away."

Xander looked a little confused not sure what was on Buffy's mind. Buffy just smiled and stepped away pacing a little. "So Xander said that having you all here is the best present he could have and I think he's right. That is an amazing present but I'm hoping I can prove him wrong this one time."

Xander chuckled a little confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I am probably setting a bad example for the children by doing this but I have one gift I was hoping you would open right now." Buffy reached in to the end table opening the drawer and pulling out a small box wrapped in a delicate green and red bow.

Xander played along not sure what was coming but he took the present from her. "Well from the size of it I can see it's not the new PlayStation." His fingers untied the bow on the box and he pulled off the lid to find a piece of tissue paper wrapped around a silver picture frame. Buffy stood behind Xander waiting for him to discover.

As he pulled the tissue paper off he turned the frame over and looked at the picture that was inside the frame. The picture it self was a confusing mess of black with shades of white and blurs. He smiled at Buffy faking enthusiasm. "Wow Buffy this is great. It's very uhm."

Buffy laughed and shook her head "You have no idea what you are looking at."

"Not a clue."

"I went in to Doctor Whedon on Monday. I was going to get my flu shot and ask about some of the flu symptoms I've been having. I was just doing normal check up stuff. They ran my blood." She took the silver frame from Xander and pointed to it. "The blood work confirmed what the doctor suspected and this is an ultrasound of the next member of the Harris family."

Xander looked at her for a second his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head but then a smile started to spread across his face. "You are serious?"

"100 percent."

The shout for joy could be heard 6 houses down as everyone at cheered and applauded. Xander grabbed his wife kissing her and hugging her. He picked her up spinning her around. "Best Christmas Ever."

Carter looked on confused still not getting it. "What is an ultra sound?"

Before Dawn could answer Little B piped up to answer her brothers question. "It's something the doctor uses when he thinks that a lady is going to have a baby and it helps you to see the baby."

Dawn looked at him. "You are going to have a cousin."

Carter smiled happily at Buffy and Xander. "I hope it's a boy."

Willow smiled at her friends seeing how happy they truly were. "So do they have a due date?"

Buffy nodded looking to Willow. "September."

Xander took on a serious look. "Wow September. That isn't long away. We have so much to do. Baby furniture and baby clothes and toys. It all happens so fast."

Buffy looked to her sister. "Sorry to say it Dawn but your old room is now going to be converted to a nursery."

Dawn shook her head not minding. "It is a sacrifice I am more then happy to make."

Faith looked at Buffy. "Well pregnant women got to eat so I say we grub."

Xander looked around the table. "Wait one last thing. I want to finish my toast." Everyone raised their glass. It was an emotional day and even Xander was having a hard time keeping it together. "I toast to Family, those who came far, those who we have lost but still remember today, to those who couldn't be here and to those yet to come. " With that he put his hand on Buffy's stomach and smiled.

All of them raised their glasses in agreement "To Family."

Buffy drank her sparkling grape juice and placed the glass down. "Faith is right. I am hungry so lets eat."

As the pans and plates of food started getting passed around the table Buffy looked at Xander and smiled. "So you really are happy?"

He smiled and took her hand. "I am feeling a million things right now. I am excited and I am nervous. On top of all of that though is happiness. I love you so much right now."

"Merry Christmas Xander."

"Merry Christmas Buffy."

Later that night after all the food was put away and the presents unwrapped Dawn and Eric were just putting the children down for sleep. Faith and Willow were starting a fire in the fireplace. Xander gathered some blankets and Buffy laid across his lap. She was a little worn out. Xander just stroked Buffy's hair as her head lay in her lap.

Soft Christmas music could be heard playing in the background. Eric was the first down the steps.

"The children are asleep so it's time to play Santa."

Dawn followed shortly after with presents of her own. With the fire strong and going on it's own Faith and Willow stood up ready to help.

Faith took a few of the presents helping Eric. "So anything I can do to help?"

Eric nodded. "Well I want to get this train set up. Carter loves trains and when he wakes up in the morning he is going to flip."

Faith nodded "I'm sure we can figure it out."

Dawn looked to Willow "And I'm pretty sure this dollhouse is going to require a structural engineer to put it together."

Willow laughed but took the box. "Well let's get it done."

Xander whispered quiet to them not wanting to disturb his wife who looked so comfortable on the couch. "Anything I can do to help."

Dawn shook her head. "You two have done plenty relax."

Xander nodded and Buffy was slowly drifting off. She yawned and opened her eyes.

"Xander"

"Yeah hon?"

"Tomorrow morning wake me up when the kids get up." She wanted to see the expression of the children with all of the gifts Santa had left.

"Promise I will."

With that she closed her eyes and whispered one last thing. It had become a bedtime tradition. "Wait for me till I wake up."

He smiled and continued stroking her hair. "Always and forever."


End file.
